My Journey...

Maddie Can-Can Dance!

2007-06-20T12:54:00.000-04:00

Maddie's dance recital was held over the weekend. (It was titled "We Can-Can Dance," hence the title.) It was a crazy, crazy weekend, to say the least.

Thursday night was the leotard rehearsal, and the thing that stands out most to be about that night was the way all of these parents of these kids just let them have free reign over the Opera House. Toys and food were everywhere...kids were RUNNING up and down the aisles. It was amazing and depressing at the same time, knowing that there are parents who just don't teach their children to have respect for anything anymore.

Friday night was the dress rehearsal. All the kids were so cute!! Everyone was contained to dressing rooms the entire evening, so it was a much calmer night. However, our dressing room was located on the 3rd floor - no elevator, no air conditioning. No fun whatsoever! My poor legs would cramp up the second I would start walking up those stinking things! I can walk a mile every night, and it never bothers me. Give me stairs to climb....all bets are off.

Saturday night was just beautiful. I've never been so incredibly proud at any moment in my whole life as when my little girl took the stage to dance. Her and both of her classes did so wonderfully and did everything they were supposed to.

It was just so emotional for me - I miss dancing SO much! Watching all of those girls - young and old - reminded me of when I was young and dancing. I remember being on that very stage all dressed up and smiling under the bright lights. I guess maybe it kind of reminded me of how old I am and how I don't move well anymore. Whoa is me moment? Maybe. But I was happy to have the opportunity to experience this all with my daughter.

Anyway, here are a couple of Maddie's pictures that she had done the Tuesday before the recital:

Baby Ducks (ballet)

Boogie Woogie Piggies (tap)
And finally, this is when she was getting ready to go out on the stage one last time for the grande finale on recital night:
That's all from now...

Signed, Proud Mama!

Been Awhile...

2007-06-07T13:58:00.000-04:00

Gosh, the last time I posted was on May 14th! Let me see if I can catch up on everything as quickly as possible.

First of all, Maddie graduated from Preschool on May 21st. All of the kiddos were SO cute, and I am going to miss seeing them all every Friday at drop off. But my goodness...I have a Kindergartener now!!!

Maddie is getting ready to be in her first big stage recital next week with Jane's School of Dance. She gets to be a piggy for her tap routine, and she gets to be a baby duck for her ballet routine. Bad part is that she and I have to be there Thursday night for the leotard rehearsal, Friday night for the dress rehearsal, and of course the recital on Saturday night. It's going to be REAL fun dealing with 20 four year olds back stage all night! Of course, I'll post pictures...

Mackenzie potty-trained herself in two days this past week. We've been sitting her on the potty for quite some time, mainly because she just wanted to sit on it like Maddie did. We were never actively pushing her to potty train, though. Well, the other day, she actually peed in it, and that's all it took. Now, we keep her stool next to the potty, and when she needs to go, she runs in, climbs up, pulls down her pants and sits down. I'm absolutely 100% amazed. It took Maddie 2 years to potty train and Mackenzie 2 days.

My absence, mainly, has been from working on replacing our floors. This project has been almost a month in the making so far, and we're still only about 1/2 done. Here is the most current picture of what's been done:
We still have to remove the spacers from the wall and install quarter-round trim all around it. I'm also going to be finding new area rugs to put under the table and between the couches. I'm so thrilled with how it looks, though!

Nothing to report health-wise, which I guess is a good thing. I still have the same annoying little things that go on, but I'm used to them by now. For the most part, the drug combination that my Neurologist has me on is working very nicely.

I think that's about it. Seems like there's a million other things that I needed to say, but in true ME fashion, I have forgotten...

Mommy's Day!!!

2007-05-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

Mother's Day 2007 is in the books now, and it was a GREAT one.

We had been planning to go out to lunch somewhere nice, but everything was either too pricey or booked up. I decided to just have the Mothers come over to my house for lunch, instead. This worked out really well. The night before, I had made Gazpacho and Salad for us to have (so that I wouldn't have to cook that day), and Mom picked up a bucket of chicken for the guys to eat. The weather was PERFECT - very sunny, 70 degrees, slightly breezy - so we spent most of our time outside.

My Mom gave me a $25 Mastercard gift certificate and some Oolong loose-leaf tea (ie, Chinese tea - my favorite), a tea ball and a new tea mug.

Phil did EXCELLENT and scored MAJOR brownie points. He had a book made for me with pictures of Maddie and Mackenzie from birth through now. It's a really nice leather-bound book that has the pictures laid out and printed on the pages in the book. When he gave it to me, he handed me the giftbag and said, "Here's your gift...I'm going to McDonald's now to get your breakfast." He KNEW that I would sit there and cry while looking at the book - and I did. I think I've already looked at it 50 times...it's just such a wonderful gift!

I spent the day talking with my Mom, Mother-in-law and my Grandmother and playing with the girls. I couldn't have asked for a nicer day! Then, to top it all off, I got to watch the Survivor: Fiji finale and reunion show all night last night!!! YAY! What a day!! : )

Everything else is well...work is steady, I'm feeling fairly well, no one is sick right now, etc. Oh, I DO have to share what my dear little Mackenzie got into on Friday.

Yep...that's my lipstick...all over her face, her hands, my carpet and my walls! Fun times.

Also, a few other things...Maddie's preschool class had a Mother's Day tea on Friday, and it was SO nice. The kids served refreshments to their Mommies, we got a little gift (a hand-painted clay pot with a flower in it), and we heard a story that brought us ALL to tears ("I Love You This Much" - the kids sang the tag line in the story to us afterward, which was incredibly sweet!).

We are getting ready to dive into a whole BUNCH of home improvement projects, so I'm sure this blog will turn into my place for before and after pictures. We bought Pergo laminate (like wood) flooring for our downstairs, and it was delivered yesterday. I can't wait to get it down!! Also on the list...expanding our deck out back, painting Mackenzie's room (Soft Lilac), painting our master bathroom, and tiling our master bathroom.

Whew...I'd better get busy!

A "Grumpy" Monday Funny

2007-05-07T09:41:00.000-04:00

Just a little funny that I got via e-mail over the weekend. Thought it would be a nice "Monday" thing to post:

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Hee Hee!!! :)

We're Finally Having FUN!!!

2007-04-30T11:23:00.000-04:00

Whew!

The last two weekends have been a complete whirlwind. So much fun, so little time. Here are the highlights:

Last Saturday (the 21st), I met up with Jessica and Amy from the OvuSoft boards. They are both just completely awesome!! We met at Jessica's house in Louisville...the kids played...us girls talked incessantly like we were childhood friends catching up from a lifetime of happenings. It's amazing how you can obtain such valid and incredible friendships from an online message board. I have found this to be true time and time again. We are planning to get together again very soon - and often!
Also last Saturday night, Phil and I attended the Mercy Me/Audio Adrenaline/Aaron Shust concert at Rupp Arena. It was an awesome concert. Now, if you have read this blog long enough, you may know that I am a MASSIVE Audio A fan - have been since they started WAAAAAAY back about 16 years ago. Well, they are "retiring," so this was the last chance I would be able to see them. I was a bit disappointed because 2 of the band members were MIA and were replaced with IMPOSTERS, but it was still good to be able to see them one last time. And yes, I was a complete AA GEEK and cried when they sang their last song, "Goodbye." Mercy Me put on an unbelievable worship show...Aaron Shust was great - the whole thing earned two big thumbs up!
This past Saturday night, Phil and I had the complete honor of going to see the Lion King play in Cincinnati at the Aronoff Theatre. IT.....WAS....EXTRAORDINARY!!! If you love the Lion King movie or not, I highly recommend seeing this if you ever have the opportunity. I mean, there just are not enough words to say about it. The costumes were SPECTACULAR. The singing was AWESOME. The stage set was PERFECT. I just didn't want the show to ever be over with, it was THAT GOOD.
Yesterday, we took the girls to the Cincinnati Zoo. I hadn't been there since I was in elementary school sometime. It was a perfect day - 70's/sunny/breezy - and it was just a lot of fun. Highlights were the white tigers, the manatees and, of course, the penguins. Of course, Mackenzie was overtired and threw what was probably the BIGGEST, ugliest temper tantrum that she's ever had in her whole life, but once she was able to take a little 15 minute catnap in the shade, she was good to go.

That's about it. I have been feeling pretty decent, and I have one last big work-related event coming up tomorrow. Once that's done, I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh, it's so great to look at my calendar here on my desk just to see blank, white spaces. That means nothing to do!!! (And coincidentally, can you believe that tomorrow is MAY 1ST???)

Now come the home improvement projects..... *sigh*

It's ALL OVER!!! Woohoo!

2007-04-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

Tax season 2007 is in the bag. How thrilled am I? Let me count the ways...

No more staying up 'til the wee hours of the morning.
No more binge drinking of coffee in order to keep myself awake.
No more kids screaming at my feet for attention...now I can give them the attention they deserve.
I get to have a life again!!!

Things with me are status quo. I've still been thinking seriously about finding a new Neurologist. The more I read and hear what others have to say, the more I wonder why he refuses to perform certain tests that *could* be definitive as to a diagnosis (lumbar MRI and spinal tap). It's certainly not that I WANT those tests done, but if they can give me a definite answer, why can't we do them? I have to think, then, that it's all a money thing for them.

Anyway......

I really have been happy to be able to spend more time with my kiddos. I look at them and realize how quickly they are growing. I mean, my gosh! Maddie will be in KINDERGARTEN next year!! And my baby will be 3 soon?? It just goes by so quickly.

We've started a new nighttime routine where at bedtime, we all (me, Maddie and Mackenzie) go into Mackenzie's room, turn on only the nightlights, and we sit there and rock and sing songs. They both LOVE to sing - guess they're taking after their ol' Mom a bit. ; ) It's just so nice...such a bonding time.

Oh yeh...I have to share another "Mackie-ism" with you:

Bathing suit in "Mackese" is "baby soup." Hahahaha!

I'm SO pumped for this weekend!!!!! I'm meeting up with a few friends from the OvuSoft board - Jessica and Amy. Amy is the widow of Captain Jeff Clay who was piloting the Comair Flight 5191 that crashed in Lexington back in August of last year. I just cannot wait to meet her face to face finally. We have all talked on our board and over e-mail for quite some time now, and despite what she thinks, Amy really has been such an inspiration to us all. She's a prime example of how to continue on living despite having such a tremendous loss!

Finally, I have to give some love out to my honey. Today is the 10th anniversary of the first day that Phil and I met (and fell in love). I cannot believe that it has been 10 years already!! Time sure does fly. And 10 years later, I love him just as much, if not more than that very first day!

2007-04-10T13:49:00.000-04:00

You know, I had all kinds of funny things that I wanted to get on here and talk about, and now I can't remember one of them. So goes my life... *SIGH*

I'm thinking that it probably had something to do with the girls because my life sure as hell ain't funny. Well, to me it is in a weird, twisted way, I suppose.

I guess you don't want to hear about how many tax returns I've done and how I'm all giddy with delight because I did my very first Trust tax return (Form 1041). Exciting! I learned stuff...and stuff. I suppose it would be boring to learn all about how my fatigue drug isn't doing much to help so far or how I'm being plagued with Vertigo at this very moment.

I do have one bit of information that may or may not be useful to you: EASTER CANDY MAKES FOR GOOD BARGAINING WITH THE KIDDOS! Did you know this? I'm learning Supernanny techniques now, and they're working! It goes like this...kids are making a mess of their rooms and are screaming loudly at one another. Mom (that's me) walks in and says, "if you don't pick up all of these toys and stop screaming at one another, you can't have a piece of candy tonight." Almost as if it were a miracle made by God, the room is spotless and the kids are hugging and singing "Kumbaya."

Now...I haven't quite figured out how to make the messes and fighting stop AFTER the candy is given. I mean, there's that period of time between when the candy is given and time to get in bed that they just go hog wild. Hmmmm...I'll have to think on that one and get back with you all.

Now if I could just make Spring come back, we'd all be happy campers! I don't know what I said or did...maybe I need more deoderant or something, but apparently I offended Spring and it just left. I mean, how else do you go from 80 degrees one day to 30 degrees WITHIN 24 HOURS?!?

End of rant for the day.........

I Think We've Got It Figured Out

2007-04-02T14:45:00.000-04:00

So the drug saga continues. Provigil is definitely a no-go. At least it's not just me...it apparently is listed on the "Medication-No Coverage" list for my health insurance in general. (So maybe they don't think I'm a crazy lunatic afterall! I'm sure they see FAR more crazier lunatic people than me every day, but after all I've been through lately, I was fairly certain that I was a crazy lunatic, but I digress...)
So drum roll please....(as if this warrants that)...

I'm now taking AMANTADINE! Yes, this drug treats serious Influenza and Parkinson's patients, and now it's treating me! It's an anti-fatigue drug. Good. It doesn't have SO many side effects like keeping me up all night. Good. My insurance covers it. GREAT! I've only taken 3 doses so far, and I haven't been able to tell much of a difference yet. I'll move up to 2 pills a day at the end of this week, so maybe by then I'll be all smiles and happiness.

In other news...Maddie came down with an ugly stomach bug on Saturday. She threw up all day long, bless her heart. By Sunday, she was better - maybe back to 95%, but then today, again, she's sick. This time it's diarrhea. So this is one ugly bug, and I'm hoping and praying that no one else in the house comes down with it.
Tax season is very fun right now (not). I've been keeping pretty busy most every day. I have quite a few people who have called and said that they are bringing their information to me to do their taxes, but have I seen them yet? NO! Will I see them before April 10th? I'm guessing NO. Hmphf! In the meantime, I know that there are many of you out there that probably feel like I'm ignoring you...I swear I'm not! If you want to come help me get some of these tax returns done, I promise to e-mail and/or call! :)

Why the HELL Does Health Insurance Exist?

2007-03-29T14:52:00.000-04:00

I mean, really?!? Why are people in this country forced to pay out the butt for insurance that is supposed to cover medical costs, yet they don't want to pay for anything? I honestly don't understand anymore.

I used to be a staunch supporter of the health insurance and medical system in this country before I got sick. I guess I was jaded never getting to see how the "other side" sees it. It was easy for me to say, "socialized medicine would kill this country," or insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies are businesses out for a profit, too. And that is true...they are, and I defend their rights to make a profit, but at what point does it become a problem if they are making a profit at the detriment of the general public?

Sorry for the political commentary there. It's just that ever since I became ill, I have watched my insurance company go from a good, helpful company to a dreadful, irritating, almost criminal entity. Something tells me that it's not a coincidence that this has happened since I got sick either.....

The event that triggered my rant here started last month when my health insurance provider raised my premiums by $133 - the biggest jump by far that my insurance has taken over a one-year span. OK...fine, I'll pay more or raise my deductible (as if I can afford to do EITHER of those things).

Well, I go to the Neurologist, as I wrote in my last entry, and they decided to try me on Provigil, a medication to combat fatigue. I take it to be filled at the pharmacy, and they call me a bit later to tell me that they can't get approval from Anthem until my doctor's office provides them with more information.

Fine. I have the NP call the insurance company. Here is what she e-mailed me back after talking to them:

I called Anthem Rx division and gave them additional info to support the use of provigil in your case. They have a physician who will review it and make a decision in the next 3-5 business days ( by next Thurs) They will fax me the decision and notify you as well. Beth

WHAT!?! Are you freakin' kidding me??? So let me get this straight. I went to my doctor who sent me to a specialist. That specialist decided that I needed medication to help with this fatigue that PLAGUES me daily. The insurance company decides that another doctor, an in-house INSURANCE one at that, needs to decide if I NEED this medication??? I'm sorry...have they MET me?? Do they know ANYTHING about me except for what my NP said and what is in my file. Oh wait, they DO know me - remember? I'm the one who made them spend money on 3 MRI's over the last 2 years. That's right - forget it lady!

So you may have guessed by now that they declined to cover this medicine, which by the way is $400 a month without insurance (so what, they would have had to pay $50 with this "reduced insurance rates??"). There are no generics for it. There's no hope.

The NP DID contact me today to say that there is one other drug they can try me on, Amantadine, which is different than the other drug, but it *might* help. Hmpf! Whatever! It's unlikely that the insurance company will cover it either...

What makes me angry is that I only take one other medication - Neurontin. It costs them close to nothing. I do not drug shop. I do not beg my Neurologist or any other doctor for drugs of any kind. I do not feel like I NEED any other drugs, only I was told that this could potentially make me function like a human being every day again...at during tax time - what an added bonus that would be!! I ask for nothing, and when I DO have to ask for something, I still get nothing.

I don't get it. I've been shaking my head in disbelief so much over the last few days that I'm frankly getting pretty dizzy. Something's gotta give...my heart truly goes out to those people, especially the elderly, who need medications and cannot afford them.

No Answers........Yet.

2007-03-13T13:39:00.000-04:00

I'm as tired of typing this as you are tired of hearing it, I'm sure:

NO ANSWERS!

Went to the Neurologist today only to get stuck with the Nurse Practitioner - AGAIN! I'm highly pissed!!! I like her very well, and as a matter of fact, I wish she was a Neurologist and not a NP because I would change over to her permanently. Fact is...she's NOT a Neurologist, and I'm paying heavy fees to see someone who does not have expertise in the human brain.

Anyway, she told me that there is still no evidence that they can apply towards a diagnosis. My MRI's looked OK...she did not have the results of my VEP for some odd reason, however. Blah, blah, blah...same old crap. She still believes that I possibly have MS, but at this point all they can do is continue to watch me, treat my symptoms and take action if/when anything else happens.

It's a damn shame that one has to wait until something happens before they can get help. I mean, I understand the whole premise behind that, but it's just crazy. Do I WANT MS? Absolutely not. Have I been told numerous times that it is probably MS? Absolutely! Do I deserve help and answers based on that? 100% absolutely no doubt!!!

On a good note...well, kind of...I finally got my Rx for Provigil. For those who don't know, Provigil is a drug that combats fatigue. Fatigue is one of my biggest complaints, and if I get rid of that, it'll take about 1/2 of my problem away. Problem with this is that I asked for this Provigil at my last appointment with them back a month or two ago, and I was told that Dr. Fee said that he only prescribes that for those who have already been diagnosed with MS. Well, I didn't even mention it this time at all, and Beth (the NP) says, "If fatigue is still a big issue for you, Dr. Fee says that we can go ahead and prescribe you some Provigil." What...the...bloody...hell! Could they not have said that the last time when I asked for it and, at that point, desperately needed it????? Grrrrr......

So the saga continues. And unfortunately, you all get more of my "bellyaching" for awhile longer. I just don't even know what more to say. I mean, I didn't expect to get answers today, but this is just one step forward, two steps back.

On another note, my grandmother (Dad's Mom) was hospitalized over the weekend. They told us on Friday night that she had a "massive heart attack" that stopped half-way through. The doctors painted a very grim picture for us...told us that they would put stints in her heart but that they may not work...told us that she was not a candidate for open heart surgery because of her Emphysema, that she would never make it off the operating table. Our whole family gathered together, and everyone was devastated - crying, praying, etc. They performed the Heart Catheterization on Sunday morning, and surprise, no heart attack due to blocked arteries! She ended up having what they call "Broken Heart Syndrome" where an attack on the heart happens because a major stressful event triggers it. There's been a lot going on with our family, so we can see how that happened. I'm SO thankful that she is OK - she was released from the hospital yesterday, but my goodness, what a stressful weekend it was!!!

Thank you all so much for reading. It's nice to know that there are people out there who care.

I've Been Relaxing........(or trying to)

2007-03-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

I'm FINISHED with testing...for now. It's done and over with. Funny thing is that I don't think I remember how to relax anymore. I sit on the couch after the girls go to bed, and I get up and walk around. Then I sit back down. Then I flip through the channels. Then I get up again and go look in the fridge (and don't get anything out, of course). My point is - I CAN'T SIT STILL!!!! I'm so used to having my nose stuck in a book or on the computer, and I just can't sit still and relax. Hopefully I'll learn again soon. It drives me nuts (and Phil, too, who likes to remind me of things like how many times I've gotten up or looked in the fridge, etc.).

So the last test section went very well - much better than expected, at least. I felt like I breezed through it fairly well. Did I pass...well, I'm not holding my breath on that one, but I'm sure I, at least, scored over a 70. (Probably a 74, no doubt. Grrrr... (See previous post))

No news yet on my brain tests either. I think I go back on March 14th, but dates don't stay in my mind anymore. My appointment could have been yesterday for all I know. In the meantime, the fatigue is still around, as is the burning and sharp pains. Blah, blah, blah...story of my life.

The girls are both very well. Maddie is still enjoying school and is doing very well with writing and recognizing her letters. She LOVES to go to church and cries the whole time I'm gone when I don't take her. She's got so many little friends now that it's hard for me to keep up with the parents as far as whose turn it is to have the kids over to play. Guess that's not such a bad problem to have...except that when you can't even remember your own name, the kids get pretty upset when you call them by some other kid's name. Whooda thunk that??

Mackenzie is *SO* funny. Well, she's as aggravating as she is funny, but that's another story. She's talking so much better - it's like her vocabulary just exploded one day (some words not as good as others - for example, her latest "fun" word to use is "poopyhead." Where she got this, I don't know. I'm not happy.). I was getting ready for a meeting this morning, and I was pretty dressed up. She came into the bathroom, tugged on my shirt, and said, "Mommy. You booootiful!" *sigh* Be still my beating heart. (Yeh, yeh, and I'm eating it up, too...heck, if I can get even my 2 year old to tell me that after all of the weight I've gained back, I'm doing OK - LOL!)

That's enough for now. My hands hurt...and so does my brain.

A Crashing Halt

2007-02-20T14:27:00.000-05:00

*sigh* Where to begin....

It's been a less than happy weekend around my home. You know the saying, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" Well, that pretty much sums it up.

I received the grade for part III of my CPA exam. The good news is that I bettered by grade by 12 points. The crappy part is that I got a 74 (passing is 75). My nightmare came true...I failed by one miserable lousy #@!*&#@* point!!! Bad part is that this section was all multiple choice (no essays, etc.), so the score is what it is. An appeal wouldn't result in a grade change...I know, I just called the state board to see about it.

What's this all mean? Well, basically I can continue on with taking and passing the exam. BUT I cannot apply for my CPA license until I meet the "150 hour rule" (aka, get a MASTERS DEGREE). So basically, I'm going to have to spend about $20,000 over ONE FREAKIN' POINT!! Yes, I'm peeved. Royally.

I proceeded to cry all weekend long. My kids thought I had went over the deep end, I'm sure. They just kept standing in front of me staring at me. Maddie said nothing. Mackenzie said, "Mommy sad." That just about summed it up, too. I did, however, get lots of hugs, and that's all that really mattered.

So, I have some pretty big decisions to make right now. It seems logical and "helpful" that I would get my Master's degree, but on the other hand, I'm thinking that I've already lost lots of valuable time with my girls over this. Do I really want to lose another 18-24 months with them? I mean...it's not as if I'm completely ignoring them or anything, but it does break my heart when they ask me to play with them, and I have to say, "I'm sorry, but Mommy has to study right now."

Oh, and the only way - the ONLY way - I'd even consider getting my Masters is to do it at home via online classes. It still fills the requirement, and I would at *least* be in the same building with my kiddos.

I just honestly don't know if I'm up for it or not. I really don't know. I'm already so tired and beat and whatever else. Who knows if I will be getting a diagnosis in March or not (NOT), but if I'm having to start on new medications on top of starting classes, etc.....I just don't know.

If you're reading this, and you're a praying person, will you PLEASE pray for guidance through all of this for me? Someone sent me a simple quote one time that said, "If God brings you to it, He'll see you through it." God definitely brought me to this point, and I'm certainly looking to Him to see me through it. I just need strength and wisdom and the ability to stay awake for 2 or more hours at a time.

Sorry this is such a downer of an entry...I'll be back to my normal, "chipper" self again soon, I think. After all, my husband has a job, and we just got new furniture!!! WOOHOO! ; ) (See, there ARE more important things than worrying about a silly old test that just happens to dictate my future.....Hmmmm...who'da thunk it?)

And Jobs For $100, It IS!

2007-02-14T11:37:00.000-05:00

Yeh, OK...so I'm bad at keep up with this thing. Sorry! *blushing* I'll be happy when this exam and tax season is over with so I can get back to my INTERNET!!! : )

Big news for this entry is YES, Phil got his job. I'm uber-geeked about it...don't take this the wrong way, but it's nice to come home from working, and he's not there - because he's working!!! Anyway, he is working for Action Business Suppliers...a family-owned company that has been in business for over 60 years. He wears a lot of hats in this job from administrative duties to overseeing their entire printing area. He likes it pretty well, so far, but it's a lot more strict than he's used to. It doesn't matter...HE'S WORKING!!!!

In other news...I *finally* had my repeat MRI's and my VEP test on Friday...after they called to tell me about my appointments only a mere 24 hours beforehand. (What in the HELL is wrong with doctors' offices these days anyway??? They take almost 2 full months to call me with the appointments, and they when they DO call me, it's 24 hours before they have me scheduled!!!)

MRI's went about as they have any other time...loud, clangy and LONG. The VEP was interesting, to say the very least. I had 6 electrodes on my head (that gel they connected them with did WONDERS for my hair, let me tell ya.....(*not*)), and they would cover up one eye at a time. I had to stare with my one uncovered eye at a red dot in the center of a TV. There were black and white checkerboard patterns that swirled all around the red dot. Repeat with other eye. Fun. It took them more time to put the electrodes on my head than it did for the test to take place. I, personally, do not see how something that simple can give off so much information, but apparently, it can.

Anyway, I will not have any answers on these tests until March 13th when I see my Neurologist again. That's kind of a running theme these days...waiting on exam scores. I'm STILL waiting on the results to the 3rd part of my CPA exam, too. Hmpf!

***Oh, the waiting...is the hardest part....*** (Excuse me while I channel Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers for a moment...)

That's about all of the excitement that's going on around here right now...

OH, and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you all!! I truly hope that you are able to spend wonderful time surrounded by those you love today.

(I AM proud of myself because I cooked a nice Valentine's dinner for myself, Phil and the girls last night - filet mignon, baked potatoes, steamed broccoli and tomato and mozzerella salad - and it was ALL EDIBLE!!! WOOHOOO!!!)

I'll Take New Jobs for $100, Alex.....

2007-02-05T14:14:00.000-05:00

I *THINK* that Phil might have a new job. *Fingers crossed, fingers crossed* He interviewed today with a locally-owned office supply company to join their administrative team. The owner was impressed and told Phil that he was his top choice on the list so far. He has one more candidate to interview. Please pray...he really needs to have a job!

In the meantime, he is also working on getting his photography business up and running. We are really excited about that possibility. He's very good at what he does (if I might say so).

Otherwise, there hasn't been anything exciting going on in my neck of the woods - yeh, nothing. If you count studying as a form of excitement, then oh yes, it's a hoot. My days go like this these days:

1. Hear alarm clock and ignore it, only that doesn't work because the stinking thing is so daggone annoying that I have to turn it off. Then I sleep over because I forgot that I turned it off and fell back to sleep.

2. Get up and dressed. Nag myself to death over why I insist on NOT calling my hair stylist and making an appointment. Remind myself that it's because I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SILLY THINGS SUCH AS HAIRCUTS.

3. Do some work and/or study...sit and frequent OvuSoft or some other message board throughout that time so that things begin to pile up. Procrastination is my middle name. (Bet you didn't know that, huh?)

4. Try to cook dinner...only I don't feel like thawing anything, so it's carry-out for the umpteenth time in a row. My kids are horribly malnourished and are tired of grilled cheese and hot dogs. (OK, so it's not really that bad...they are VERY WELL fed and are tired of eating grilled cheese and hot dogs anyway...truth be told, they don't like anything at all, so what's a Mom to do??? Give me a break - they're 2 and 4 for goodness sake!) :)

5. Play with kids and talk to hubby all at once, all while complaining of my many ailments and botherances (is botherances a word??). It's good quality for them AND me.

6. Put kids to bed and attempt to study. Get up to make a Mochaccino on my cool new Flavia coffee station. Study a bit more. Put 4 year old BACK in bed after she comes down for some milk. Make another Mochaccino. Study. Put 4 year old back in bed. Make another...ah, forget it. Just get a Mt. Dew - it makes me stay awake for at *least* 10 minutes longer than normal. (Geez...no wonder I'm gaining weight again.)

7. Fall into bed only to remember that I forgot my whole nightly medicine regimine. Get up, walk downstairs, get a drink of water, walk back upstairs, fall into bed, remember that I forgot that I had forgotten to take my medicine, go back downstairs, yes I do take the medicine this time, go back upstairs and fall into bed never even realizing that I was literally asleep before my head hit the pillow. (And yes, this is a VERY accurate account of many of my evenings.)

Now do you see why I'm tired????? Now excuse me while I take a break from procrastinating to take a little nap....

What a Pain in the Head!!

2007-01-23T12:23:00.000-05:00

What's worse than a pain in the butt?

A pain in the head. A least a "pain in the butt" is a person you can potentially get rid of. Ha-ha...I know...so *not* funny.

I spent the entire weekend with what felt like a large dagger sticking out of the right side of my head. It was not a headache, but rather one of my now infamous "brain pains." I started out my very first flare-up with the exact same pain well over a year ago, and now it's BAAAACK. It's a very sharp, continuous pain that is right above my right ear in my head. This time, though, it took my eyeball with it. Along with the brain pain was what seemed like a right eye that may pop out of its socket at any second. I don't know...I just report this stuff. No one ever said that any of it made any sense...

(*Gross talk over*)

So I called my Neurologist on Thursday to try to get off of the horrible Desipramine that I was put on, and I got a call back this morning. If anyone is keeping count, that is 5, yes FIVE, days after I called that I got a response. So I'm off of the Desipramine...it made me not be able to open my mouth when I sang in the praise team at church (no saliva), and that was a tad bit on the embarrassing side. It made me tired on top of my existing fatigue, too, but no one seems to care about that. I mean, who really cares if I'm walking, driving, pushing a cart, transferring money online, etc., with my eyes closed and my brain completely shut down! Gosh, what on Earth was I thinking???

I'm, instead, getting an upped dosage of Neurontin, which I asked for in the first place, from 1600 mgs/day to 2000 mgs/day. I'm to rotate dosages 400 mg/600 mg/400 mg/600 mg. (That adds up to 2000, right?) Anyway, I'm pleased that the Nurse Practitioner called me back, but she had no earthly clue what I was talking about when I told her about my weekend-long brain pain. She just kept on saying, "and it lasted all weekend?" Uh, yes, that's what I said.

Oh, and still no date on the MRI and VEP test, surprise, surprise. Who would have thought that? I mean, it's only been ONE month since my appointment with no word. My guess is that I'll get the date 3 months post-appointment after all of my symptoms leave when it will be USELESS ANYWAY!!!! Grrrr...

Must get off of this topic...

I re-took the 3rd part of my CPA exam last week - I feel like I did exceptionally well on it, which always worries me. I hope that it's at least a 75...I'm running out of hope here...

Oh, I must also report that my 4 year old has her very first boyfriend. His name is Alex, and he's in her Preschool class. It's quite funny actually. I volunteer with drop-offs on Friday mornings, and I have gotten to know all of the kids both in Maddie's class and in the other 4 year old class next to hers. Anyway, Alex comes in every time and immediately runs over to Maddie, gets right in her face and says, "Hello Madeline." Well, last week, Maddie was cold, so Alex tells her, "I can snuggle with you and keep you warm." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! My initial reaction was HEY, BACKUP KID! but then my sane senses prevailed, and I realized that it was actually very funny and cute.

So Maddie tells me a few days later, "Mommy, I love Alex and he loves me." Good to know. Will it be a love that lasts forever...uh, no. Is it absolutely adorable and sweet right now...absolutely!

The Great Shoplifting Caper

2007-01-12T15:25:00.000-05:00

I'm raising a criminal.

That's right - my youngest child is a shoplifter. As we shopped in the Build-A-Bear Workshop yesterday, someone's fingers got a little too greasy.

My Mom let Maddie and Mackenzie pick out an outfit each for the B-A-B stuffed dogs that they already both own. (Mackenzie's dog is named "Doo-Doo Dog" for those who remember...) After we made the purchase, Mackenzie kept screaming "CAT!" "CAT!" "CAAAATT!" all the way down the mall. We thought that she just wanted to go back to the store and look at the cat's.

Lo and behold, as we were emptying our bags upon returning home, there, indeed, was the aforementioned "CAT!" staring up at us in the B-A-B bag. A small stuffed kitty, to be exact. Apparently, as we handed Mackenzie her bag while in the store, she decided to add - well - a cat to it.

My Mom went back to the store to pay our $5 for it today, and the girls there just laughed. Apparently, most people don't come back to pay for things that their little monsters, er...kids take off with. And apparently, thievery happens a lot between the 1-6 year old crowd. I'm proud that we were honest enough to not want to gip a store for a $5 stuffed cat.

Then again, I'm thinking - SHOOT, WE COULD'VE GOT AWAY WITH IT!

Memories...la la la la la la laaaaaaa....

2007-01-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

Remember that song "Memories" from "Cats?"

Well, I thought that I would just sing that song and make it my mantra since I have no memory anymore. Yes, I know...the song is about REMEMBERING memories, but I will just have to turn it around to suit me instead. ; )

Here's some memories for me to keep - a few "Mackie'isms" for you to enjoy (please read in broken baby English tone):

"I puke in my mouth!!!!" (She screams this every time she burps...apparently, she's having post-traumatic stress disorder from her stomach bug a couple of weeks ago.
"Nana and Pappy fixed TV." (She keeps saying this because my Dad came over and showed Phil how to mount our flatscreen on the wall...oh, and Mom came with him...so that apparently constitutes fixing the TV. Guess Phil actually did nothing of the sort.)
And my personal favorite...when asked if she wanted me to go and get Maddie from her little friend's house, Mackie says, "No...get my milk first!"

Anyway, I'm SO incredibly stressed out right now. I retake the 3rd part of my exam on the 16th, and everything I study goes in one eyeball and out the other. (Is that even possible?) And it's not like I have ANY pressure on me whatsoever for this exam. Hmpf! I do have a letter ready to send off to the state board of accountancy to see if I can get an extension of time, but after re-reading the initial letter they sent back in July, I highly doubt that it will work. So if you are so inclined, please say a prayer that either I can pass these sons of bi....never mind...or else that I can get an extension of time to take them. (It's probably not nice of me to imply the term "sons of bi....." and have that in the same sentence as "prayer, " is it? Darn it! I just did it again! Yes, I'm losing it...CALGON - TAKE ME AWAY!)

Well, that's it from the insane asylum. Still no word on when my MRI and Evoked Potentials tests will be. Still no word on a job for Phil. Just still no word in general. If there WERE to be a word, I would probably forget it anyway. *sigh* TTFN.

My New Years Resolution? To update my blog more!!!

2007-01-03T11:10:00.000-05:00

Obviously, it's been a really long few weeks. So sorry for no updates. Between Christmas, doctor visits and sick kids, I've been SPENT!

OK...the basics:

Christmas

Christmas was good. The girls, of course, received WAY too many new toys, and of course, they are fighting over all of them. *sigh* Oh, the sibling rivalry... They both received new bikes, lots of Dora and Diego toys, Barbie stuff, movies, a few clothes, etc., etc. I received a new diamond-encrusted Bulova watch from Phil. Love it! He also gave me this really cool Flavia coffeemaker which whips up flavored espressos and cappucinos in 30 seconds. Love it! And I can hang out around the house on a caffeine high EVERY day now.

Doctor visits/sickos

Between Maddie, Mackenzie, Phil and myself, we have made a combined total of 8 doctor visits/calls in the last 2 weeks. Maddie and Mackenzie had tummy bugs that were really no fun. Seriously, Stanley Steemer is coming to visit us in a few days to turn our cream colored carpeting back to its original color. Phil had this, too, but he didn't make a mess out of the carpet like the other two sickos did. I never got the tummy bug. Ha ha-ha ha-ha HA!

Neurology at its (not) finest

I saw my Neurologist...oh, no wait...I saw his Nurse Practitioner because he threw me off on her when I was supposed to see him. But I digress.... (I ended up liking her better than him anyway - HA!) She listened to all of my complaints and sympathized like women do for one another. She agreed with me that I probably need an MRI of my t-spine (lower) and that Provigil, a drug for fatigue, would benefit me. She went out of the room to talk to Dr. Fee, and she comes back instead and tells me that he wants repeat MRI's of my brain and c-spine (upper/neck)...this will be the 3rd round for that, no t-spine MRI...and that he doesn't want to give me Provigil for my fatigue but rather wants to start me on Desipramine for my burning and electrical pains. Oh, and the Desipramine may increase my fatigue. OK...I don't say this much on here, but really, WHAT THE HELL!!??!! Getting real close to switching doctors again, which pains me because I actually liked the guy. You just can't get good care anymore...

CPA Exam

Grrrrrrrr.....need prayers here. February 28th will determine if my career as a CPA starts or ends. (Oh, by the way, I flunked the 3rd part of the exam with a 63, which I figured.) Apparently, I have found out that if I don't pass all 4 parts of the exam before February 28th, I lose ALL credits that I have right now (aka, the first 2 passed sections), and I will have to obtain a Masters degree in order to take the test again. Long story, but that's the gist of it. No pressure...none at all. I'm planning to write a letter to appeal for more time, but who knows if it will work or not. In the meantime, if you can't find me, my nose will more than likely be firmly implanted in a book that I *really* don't want to be reading. Oh yeh...and these are the two hardest sections that I have to take and pass.........

I *think* that's it. I know that's a lot to throw out at you all, but that's what you get for not making me update my blog. Heehee!

What Rhymes With Conjunctivitis?

2006-12-12T17:40:00.000-05:00

Here's my girl, Maddie...one day post Pink Eye infection. The eyes themselves are less pink today, but notice the raccoon circles around them. Pink Eye is fun.......NOT!

Yes, she came down with Pink Eye, aka Conjunctivitis, yesterday morning. It started in the left eye and quickly moved to the right eye as well. She may not be too awfully irritable and grumpy over it, but I sure am! Have you tried giving eye drops to a nervous 4 year old lately? If not, I don't suggest trying it. Let me tell you what a very (not) fun activity it is...and a day-long one at that. By the time we get one of three daily doses in, it's time to start fighting her to do the next one. *SIGH*

Our weekend was fun, however...we had a Kindermusick Christmas party on Saturday morning. It was a PJ and waffle party (no, I did NOT attend in my PJ's, but the girls did). They sang songs, did crafts and played and played and played. It was actually pretty fun (but TIRING!!!). On Saturday night, we had a lot of our neighbors over for a Christmas party at our house. There were about 18 people who came (or about 5 sets of neighbors), and it was just a good, fun time of talking and eating.

On Sunday, we took Maddie to see the Nutcracker, which was put on by the Lexington Ballet and the Lexington Philharmonic. I felt so blessed because somehow, we ended up with front row, center seats!! We could look over the railing in front of us into the orchestra pit, which was really neat. The ballet was TERRIFIC!!!!! Maddie was enthralled, Phil nodded off...I cried. Seriously! Ballet is and has always been "in my blood." I wish that I could have went a long, long way in ballet, but I made choices that took me away from it. Anyway, it was all just so beautiful and exciting to be so close. It was a wonderful first ballet for Maddie to see...hopefully there will be many more.

That's about it...yesterday was spent in the doctor's office trying to get Maddie better. Geez...this is literally going to be the LOOONNNNGGGEEESSSTTT 5 days of my life trying to fight her over these eye drops. Any suggestions?????

Oh, and PS...I wanted to give a "shout out" to Ree in Alabama!! : ) It was really good to hear from you. Hope you're doing well!!!

OOPS...I did it again...

2006-12-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

...I PASSED THE 2ND PART OF MY CPA EXAM!!!!

Uh huh...you know it! Got a 76! Made it by 1 point! Doesn't matter...cause I passed!

I did really bad on my exam...but it's CHRISTMAS!!

2006-12-04T12:13:00.000-05:00

Yeh, I guess it doesn't matter if my exam blew the biggest of chunks possible. I knew that it was going to be difficult...and it was. The questions that I did well on, I KNOW I did really well on. The questions that I did poorly on...well, I have no nice words for that, so I won't even talk about it. We'll see what happens. I still haven't even received my scores from the 2nd part that I took back in October yet!! Grrrrr...

But all of that doesn't matter. It's CHRISTMAS time! Forget shopping and all of that crap (I do my shopping primarily online these days anyway)...it's all about the decor for us. Here's a few pictures of what I've done this year.

This is our mantle. It needs some sprucing up with some greenery, but I'm too lazy to go to the store to buy anymore. HA!

This is my foyer. I think our recently painted green walls really accentuates this look...don't you? ; )My tree...oh, tannebaum! I'm utterly pleased with myself over the tree this year. I decided to ditch my creepy gold beads of years' past and go with something a little softer - ribbon...and lots of it.

The outside of our house is decorated the exact same as last year, so if you want to see it, go back to the December 2005 archives and look at it. I can't be THAT creative in one year as to change up EVERYTHING, now can I?

Good news is...I've been feeling OK for the last two or three days. I always hate to say that because I feel like I just jinx myself...that I'll be in bed all day tomorrow just because I said that I feel OK today or something. Of course, with my Neurologist appt. coming up on the 22nd, it's likely that I'm getting better just for Dr. Fee. You know, he can never see me in my natural state whenever I go to the doctor.... bleh!

Bad news for the week is that I just found out that our neighbors are moving. I'm very sad because we've gotten to know them very well over the last year. They have a little girl named Annie who is a bit younger than Mackenzie. Mackenzie LOVES Annie and always points to her house everytime we pull up in the driveway and yells, "Ahhnie...Ahhnie!" I know that she'll miss her. Anyway, Kelli is my OB/GYN's nurse, so she has always kept me informed about things, and I could call her anytime for any reason when I needed to. Ben is our dog's veterinarian. They are moving about 2-3 hours away to be near Ben's father who is letting him take over the family veterinary business. I'm happy for them, but gosh, I'll miss them! You always worry about who you might have move in next, you know?

Oh well...guess that's it for now. Hope you all are well and are enjoying your holiday season! Cheers!

Where the Heck Does the Time Go??

2006-11-28T14:40:00.000-05:00

You know, I swear that I just looked at my calendar and it was January 1, 2006. Now it's November 28th!?! Guess I lost a few days somewhere along the way, huh?

Is it just me, or does it seem like the years just FLY by now? Maybe it was because as a kid the year would DRAG by until school would be out. You think if I went back to school the years would go slowly again?

I mean, my gosh! I'm thiry-...uh, 29, married and have two kids, both of whom are too old already. What happened to dance lessons and football games with friends and spring break and trips to amusement parks and the tooth fairy and Santa Claus and a partridge in a pear tree?

*SIGH*

Oh well...my boring old life is just that these days...boring and old. I'm studying for part III of my exam, which I will take in just two days. *GASP* Not prepared...don't care. Blah, blah, blah. I still don't even know what I scored on the II part. Stupid KY Board of Accountancy...slow as Christmas. No wait - Christmas is fast, isn't it? Geez, I'm so confused.

I'm feeling the same as always. Tired, achy, sore, grumbly, irritated, etc. Jolly old times! I go back to see Dr. Fee on December 22nd unless I call him and make him see me again before that since I think my brain leaked out along the way somewhere. (If anyone finds it, please call me - reward offered, but I can't remember what it was supposed to be now.)

The girls are both well. Mackenzie is finally talking a lot now, though when she tells you that her name is "Macky," it sounds more like "Monkey." Maddie is as sweet (and hyper) as ever. She is her Momma's girl, that's for sure. I will brag on her for just a minute...the other night, I had exercised like an idiot and couldn't hardly walk (that'll teach me!). She saw that I was struggling to get down the stairs, so she runs over, grabs my hand and says, "Here, Mommy...hold my hand, and I will help you." Now this makes me a blubbering mess because the kid's just so daggone sweet and understanding, but it also makes me a blubbering mess because NO four year old on this Earth should have to worry about helping their Mother down the stairs, unless, of course, you're that 70 year old woman who had a baby a few years back. Now, SHE might definitely need help down the stairs.

So, as you can see, nothing new here, but SOS-DD. Guess I'll come back another day when I remember again that I've started a blog and should really try to keep up with it. Cheers to you all!

Ya Wanna See My Christmas Present???

2006-11-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

It's a Philips 42" Flat Panel Plasma HDTV! Mrs. Madden got it for us for Christmas. Last year, she got us a laptop...this year, the TV. Pretty cool!

Actually, I think the thing is absolutely HIDDEOUS, but at least it's fun to watch the UK Basketball games on. It doesn't fit in with my decor at all. Oh well...beggars can't be choosers, huh?

In other news, I feel like a big fat load of crap...physically that is. And no, I didn't say that I LOOKED like that, though that may be negotiable. Same complaints - fatigue, weak arms and legs, cognitive crud...etc., etc. Guess it serves me right, though, if I won't get on the phone and call the stinking Neurologist's office! I'm such a procrastinator...

That's all that's going on around here. Going to TRY to get some cleaning done around the house this weekend, and some studying, too. Thanksgiving (and the next part of my exam) is sneaking up on us quickly.

"It's beginning to look at lot like Christmas....everywhere you go...."

It's 8 Years of Wedded Bliss

2006-11-14T10:56:00.000-05:00

Today is mine and Phil's anniversary - 8 years! We've officially made it past the "seven year itch." HA! Bless his heart, he must have the soul of a saint to have put up with me for this long. (Or is it the other way around??? LOL!)

This past year has been especially difficult on him...between job difficulties and dealing with a sickly (sicko?) wife, he's really had a lot handed to him. So to my husband, the father of my children and my best friend - I LOVE YOU! Happy anniversary.

Election Day...and all the fun stuff that comes with it...

2006-11-07T15:29:00.000-05:00

Today is Election Day. I have always felt that I need to make my voice heard through my votes. It may or may not have an effect on the outcome, but at least I did my civic duty, which gives me the right to complain, in essence. :)

SO DID YOU VOTE TODAY??? (I promise I will not next ask WHO you voted for - HAHA!)

I have been SO incredibly aggravated with the whole voting process this year, though. When we moved, I failed to find out where we were supposed to vote. This was purely my fault because I'm a practicing, card-holding member of the NPA (National Procrastinators' Association).

I sought out to find the answer to my polling place question at 7:00 PM last night. No neighbor of mine knew where to vote. My Mom and Dad nor any of their neighbors knew where to vote. The stinking newspaper did not even tell us where to vote.

See...my town is bass-ackwards (excuse my French), and apparently, they decided to throw people in every which direction when it came to polling places. There are two...not one, but TWO polling places within less than a mile from my house. Did I vote there? NO! That would have been entirely too easy. Turns out, I voted at a church all the way ACROSS TOWN. Yes, I mean it. Who would have thunk it?

I feel disenfranchised (although I did still get to vote, after all). Think I'll go now and write a letter to the nearest chapter of the ACLU. Think they'll take up my case? Think they even have an office in Kentucky? (I'm totally kidding, of course, although our little idiot of a county clerk may get an earful from me...)

Oh, and if there is even ONE stinking message from a candidate left on my voice mail at home when I get there...I'll...I'll...Oh, FORGET IT!

Busy, Busy Week! (But a good one....)

2006-11-02T11:43:00.000-05:00

Lots of things have happened over the last week or so...

First of all, I took the 2nd part of my CPA exam on the 24th. I feel like I did very well on it, which probably translates to complete failure. I know, I know...positive affirmations. Whatever.....

Secondly, my buddie Rhonda (aka, Ladybug Mom) came for a visit from Alaska. She came in on Friday and left Monday. We had a really great time with her, and she has a true friend for life in Maddie (and me, too, of course). Maddie misses her a lot and always asks me if we can talk to her on the computer. Heehee.... Anyway, we went to Keeneland and to Double Stink Hog Farm's pumpkin festival. She got to eat at Cracker Barrel, too, which I think she liked. Anyway, we had a great time, and I hope that we will get to see her again one day soon...after she gets her sweet baby girl from China, Sarah Lyn. : ) (Here's a picture of Miss Rhonda and her new best friend, Maddie.)Finally, we took the girls trick or treating on Tuesday night. Maddie was Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, and Mackenzie was Tinkerbell. They had a blast and got WAY too much candy. In the meantime, I've switched from my South Beach Diet/Weight Watchers mix over to the all candy, all the time diet. I can't figure out why it's not working. Here are some pictures of the little princesses (in mind only...not in action).

Maddie curtsying like a true princess. This was how she said she was going to thank people after they gave her candy. She didn't do it:
Mackenzie's costume was absolutely ADORABLE!! And she actually kept the wings on the whole time. The shoes, however, were a different story (they WERE too big, though):
The gals together...not sure what the goofy looks on their faces were about:

Unlike last year, I actually made it around the neighborhood OK. YAY for me!!! I'm hanging in there health-wise. Still have a lot of fatigue and some minor aches, pains and weakness, but the big thing is my cognitive abilities. Bad...bad...bad..... I felt like an idiot when Rhonda was in because I even have a difficult time following conversations anymore, and it seemed like I was constantly repeating myself or forgetting things that she had already told me. So...sorry Rhonda! ; )

Must work now....no motivation today....(not unlike any other day...)

October 2005-October 2006...The Year With No Answers

2006-10-30T20:54:00.000-05:00

It's officially been one whole year since my quest for a diagnosis started. One whole year since my first major exacerbation. One whole year since I saw my first Neurologist. One whole year since my world was torn upside down and the term "probable Multiple Sclerosis" was first uttered.

My prayer is that year two will find a definitive diagnosis and continued luck with my current Neurologist. My prayer is that year two will bring me no major exacerbations, though I almost feel as if it could speed things up a bit if I DID have one.

Either way...here I sit in the same place that I was before...one year later.

Vacation...and stuff...

2006-10-26T14:32:00.000-04:00

So vacation was fun - kind of...

Yes, it was fun, indeed, to get away for awhile. The fun parts of the trip were:

1. Eating good food
2. Shopping
3. Eating good food
4. Shopping at the big Tanger outlet mall
5. Did I mention eating?
6. OK...so the weather was nice, too.
7. Oh my gosh...I forgot to mention the trees - the trees were the most beautiful, gorgeous things out there. You would look out at the mountains only to see every color of the rainbow out there - so beautiful
8. Eating good food

The really bad parts of the trip were:

1. Maddie puking all over herself in the car on the way TO Gatlinburg (boy, was that a fun clean up!)
2. Sleeping 6 people in one tiny hotel room, which we were lucky to get because every hotel was booked solid
3. Having our hotel room 2 rooms from the end of the hotel...oh yeh, did I mention that right next door was the Haunted Mansion attraction which bellowed creepy music until Midnight every night? I wouldn't have minded it, only Maddie was completely and utterly FREAKED OUT by it
4. Walking so much that I thought my legs would crack up and fall off (guess that was good for me, though)
5. It was *REALLY* crowded down there
6. Maddie puking all ove herself in the car on the way FROM Gatlinburg (only this time we were armed with plastic bags)...poor kid gets her carsickness from her Mama

So we're home and well and content until next month when I will be wanting to go somewhere else again. BUT...my good friend Rhonda (Ladybug Mom for you OS'ers out there) is coming all the way from Alaska to visit and staying with us for 3 nights! She will be here in about 27 hours or so...I'm so excited!!! I'm sure she'll be MORE than ready to get back on that airplane to go home after staying in a house with my kids for that long. HeeHee!

Oh...I DID manage to gain only ONE pound while on vacation. I'm utterly pleased with myself.

I have no pictures to post from vacation. I know, I know...but I just didn't feel like lugging a camera around everywhere. Phil got a few on his "non-digital" camera (gosh, I don't even know what to call those anymore), so maybe I'll scan and post a few of those whenever (if ever) he gets them back.

Need Immediate Prayers for Some Friends

2006-10-23T08:44:00.000-04:00

We just returned from vacation last night (more about that later), and Tabitha called to tell me some very upsetting news. Some dear friends of ours, Jimmy and Beth, lost their baby to SIDS on Saturday. Little Lucas was 3 1/2 months old.

Lucas was found unresponsive at his sitter's house on Friday. The sitter attempted CPR and actually got his pulse back. He was rushed to UK Children's Hospital, but unfortunately, he didn't have any brain activity by that time. Beth and Jimmy had to make the horrible decision to take little Lucas off of life support. I cannot even BEGIN to imagine what a horrible decision that must have been for them. I grieve so much for them. They are both such happy, wonderful people who don't deserve this - no one deserves this...it's just unimaginable.

If you are reading this today, will you please say a prayer for Jimmy, Beth, and their oldest son, Hunter who doesn't understand why they can't just go get his baby brother? They really could use some peace today.

May God have a very special place in Heaven for you, baby Lucas.

Well...I'm A-Tryin' It Again!

2006-10-19T15:03:00.000-04:00

So Phil and I started the South Beach Diet on Monday. I hate it! I'm absolutely the most miserable human being on the face of the planet right now...(and yes, I'm a huge wimp with no willpower). Of all of the foods I can be thinking about and fantasing about right now, guess what I'm constantly thinking of.

A LITTLE DEBBIE FUDGE ROUND

Yes...something that I probably have not eaten in at least 5 years, but oh, that's all I think of - its chocolately round goodness. Sad, huh?

Good news is that I'm already down 3 or 4 lbs., however you wish to look at it. Monday morning, I weighed in at 152.8...this morning, I weighed 149.6 (down 3.2 lbs.). Sunday night - the night before starting - I weighed 155.6, and last night I weighed 151.8 (down 3.8 lbs.). So I guess the moral of this story is that I've lost somewhere around 3 1/2 lbs. since Monday.

I'm doing Pilates right now - have been doing it for a little over a week now. It's actually one of those $9.99 videos from K-Mart, but I love it far more, so far, than any of the other expensive videos I've bought in the past. It's very low impact, so it's easy for me to get through, but after you're finished, you can tell that it was a good workout - if that makes any sense.

Anyhow, we are leaving for Gatlinburg,TN tomorrow for the weekend, so those 3.5 lbs. will be dashed in an instant. LOL! The best thing to do down there is EAT, what, with all of the carmel apples, funnel cakes, footlong corndogs, swizzle sticks, etc., etc.... I can't go there and NOT eat, you know.

Maddie is HORRIBLY excited to go. That's the place where you "play 'skeetball'" all the time, after all....not that she knows how to play it, but I guess she just enjoys watching me win lots of tickets and prizes for her. My only concern...Mackenzie. She hasn't slept away from home since she was a tiny baby. I'm nervous that none of us will get any sleep the entire time we are there because she'll be up all night crying for home. We'll sure give it a shot, though....

Yeeee-OOOUUUCCCHHH!!!!!!!

2006-10-11T14:25:00.000-04:00

That's the sound I made when I started doing Pilates again last night. I had lost 9 lbs previously and have now gained 7 of it back. I'm very mad at myself, but what can I say? I LOVE to eat!! (and hate to exercise...)

So Pilates is good and fun and healthy, but it sure does HURT! Phil wants to try the South Beach Diet...I don't know much about it, admittedly, but I hear that you can lose up to 10 lbs. just in the first 2 weeks. I'll take it!

I'm just so tired of not being able to fit in my clothes anymore. I'm tired of looking like I have 12 chins in photographs. I'm just tired of being tired in general. I think I might feel at least a tad bit better, too, if I would take better care of myself.

So I'll keep you all posted on my progress. I'm SURE you'll be waiting to hear with baited breath.... ; )

Here He Is!!!!!!

2006-10-10T13:46:00.000-04:00

Announcing the birth of baby Cameron Michael - 8 lbs., 7 oz., 20 1/2" long - born October 9th at 2:35 PM. Mommy Tabitha is doing very well, al beit sore, after her c-section, and Dad Jimmy and Big Brother Austin are very excited as well.

Here he is:

We're expecting....

2006-10-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

....my best friend's baby to be born today! Happy BIRTH day, baby Cameron!

HA! Made you look, didnt' I!?! : ) (Sorry...I greatly enjoy my own fun and games too much sometimes.)

Seriously, though...Tabitha is heading into the operating room on or around 1:30 PM today. Little Cameron should join us very shortly after that. I'm so excited! I'm gonna be a kind-of aunt again!!!

We did nothing but birthday parties over the weekend. Maddie's best friend, Melody, had a very fun, very cool birthday party at the gymnastics center on Saturday. Guess what Maddie wants to get into now........

Yesterday was my brother-in-law's birthday party. He didn't feel like he should grace us with his presence. That's right - the JERK didn't show up for his own birthday party!!!! Can you believe that load of crap? Fine - I'll just regift his gift certificate at Christmas time to someone else. Hehehe!

Tonight, there is an open house for my grandmother's birthday. She's turning 78 today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MEEMAW! Just some cake and ice cream - you know, stuff I don't need.

Mom's birthday is on Friday the 13th.....mwhaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I'm very birthday partied out. *Whew*

Don't Really Know What to Write About...

2006-10-04T14:31:00.000-04:00

What do you say when you don't have much to say? I feel like I should update this blog, but at the same time, I really can't think of anything productive to talk about. Story of my life... So here's a very short synopsis of my life over the last week or so:

Sick with head cold, girls sick with allergies, studying, putting together new office furniture, cleaning up office after new office furniture, working, eating, sleeping, complaining.

How's that?

OK...two things:

First, my best friend, Tabitha, is all set to welcome her second baby boy, CAMERON, into the world on October 9th!! She will be having a c-section that day. Tabitha has had a difficult pregnancy, so while I know that she will be sad that her pregnancy is over with, I know that she will be more than ecstatic to have her little guy here safe and sound. Please pray that all will go well for her.

Secondly, Phil is still without a job right now. It's getting a bit on the dire side. He has sent in too many resumes to count, but just no luck. He is on the interview list for two really good jobs with the state government, but they will not be interviewing for another 3 weeks or so. Please pray that God's will would be done in this situation and that He would lead Phil to the right job.

Your will be done, Lord.

Coming up ---- vacation (al beit a mini one) to Gatlinburg, TN followed by a visit by my dear, dear friend from Alaska, Rhonda!!! Only good times ahead!

2006-09-26T11:43:00.000-04:00

We are buying new furniture!! Exciting as it sounds, buying new furniture is just a royal pain in the hind-quarters.

First of all, we bought new and badly needed office furniture for our home office last night. We got it at Office Max - 20% off - good deal. So we go to buy it, and they tell us that they have 4 out of 5 pieces, but they are all blocked on the loading dock by a few pallets of paper. They'll bring them to us on Wednesday - free! Fine by me. Well...they may or may not have the fifth piece available then...but maybe they will...but they may not. Hmmm....OK.

THEN, we are looking for a new family room suit to replace our poor, worn down couch and love seat that currently resides there. Do you know that me - lover of all things which is decor and furniture - cannot find a suit that I like at all! There is NOTHING out there that even remotely appeals to me. Phil found a suit that he likes, but it's too busy looking to me. I found one that I like OK, but it really won't match our new paint. *sigh* Just don't know...just don't know...

Anyway, we had Mackenzie's 2nd birthday party on Sunday - I meant, once again as I did with Maddie's party, for it to be a small "us and grandparents" party, but I ended up having 21 people there (all family except for our next-door neighbors). It was fun, though...she got a LOT of new movies, which she loves, and a lot of fun toys that Maddie has already stolen. Here are a few pictures:

My sweet baby at her 2nd birthday party:

The birthday cake - Dora!:

The girls trying on their new Halloween costumes that just came in the mail - Maddie is Sleeping Beauty, Mackenzie is Tinkerbell:

One-Fourth of the Way There!

2006-09-25T21:55:00.000-04:00

I PASSED!!!

I can't believe it, but I passed the first part of my CPA Exam! Passing score is 75...I got an 81. Uh-huh. That's right. I'm ultra cool. Not to mention that this was the part that included tax, which I always seemed to struggle on in the previous years that I took it. I guess that actually DOING tax returns helped me to understand it better this time.

So now, I'm studying again - this time for the auditing section....then the Business Ethics section...and finally the big, ugly one - the FINANCIAL section. Bleh! I CAN do it! I WILL do it! Now...can someone find me some No-Doze?

Do you ever wonder why people...

2006-09-20T10:52:00.000-04:00

...work in public service jobs (ie, fast food joints, stores, etc.) that they hate and insist on butchering the idea that the customer is ALWAYS right? Hey...there's a nice cushy desk job at the government with your name on it - then you won't have to talk to ANYONE all day long (or so my cousin says)!

...insist that it's their way or the highway even though their way is by FAR the minority opinion? Can we say PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE? It's really not pretty...but apparently it's the style lately.

...drive in the fast lane as if it's the slow lane and they don't even blink an eye when 50 cars go around them honking? Move on over, sweetheart...you don't own the road.

...constantly term a differing opinion as "OFFENSIVE??" I don't get this...can some explain it to me? So just because you happen to not agree, it's automatically offensive? I just get so sick of hearing this word. What's offensive to me is when people overuse the term "offensive." HA!

So yeh, I'm in a bad mood today...can you tell? I really have no reason to be, afterall, today was "Bring your teddy bear to Preschool" day at Maddie's school, so I get to hear all about how some little boy stole Maddie's teddy bear and punched it in the face or something weird like that when I get home. :)

I guess I'm in a bad mood because it's going to rain all weekend when I've planned my first MAJOR (and much needed) garage sale in years, and I have 5 BILLION things that need to go, including 4 BILLION baby outfits that fit my girls no more.

Or maybe I'm in a bad mood because that silly girl at Hardee's this morning copped an attitude with me when I tried to tell her that the breakfast she was trying to give me actually was the breakfast that the man in front of me had ordered - I know...I heard him order it, and I certainly didn't want a smoked sausage biscuit. ICK!

Or quite possibly, it could be from the idiotic way that some people around here drive - it's a run-over or be ran-over town that I drive in here.

SO...think I'll head to the nearest Starbucks and get me a Venti Cafe Mocha with lots of extra whipped cream and chocolate shavings. That'll make my day (and put back 5 of the pounds that I've already lost - oh well!)!

P.S. Feel free to add your "Do you ever wonder why people..." comments - but keep it nice... ; )

Learning, Learning Everywhere!

2006-09-12T14:07:00.000-04:00

It's back to school time and back to study time and everything else...

Maddie started her 4 year old Preschool class at Woodford Christian Preschool last Wednesday, the 6th. She absolutely LOVES it! To my surprise, she goes right into her classroom with no problems. She's learning so much and is making lots of new friends. Her teacher is a good friend of ours who we used to go to church with, so that makes me feel better knowing that Maddie is in such good hands.

So far, she is learning new songs, Bible verses and how to write her name. They fingerpaint, color, play and hear stories throughout their day as well. Maddie would tell you, though, that her favorite part of the day is snack time!

Here's a picture of Maddie taken on school orientation day (her first "un"official day of school):

I made it through the first part of my CPA Exam OK. I feel like I did very well on it, but after I returned home from taking it and began looking through my book, I found a few things that I messed up. I haven't received my grade yet, but I honestly have no feelings one way or the other as to if I passed it or not. I'll, of course, keep you all posted.

In the meantime, I have sent in my request to take the next two parts - Auditing and Business Ethics. I will take those in October and November, respectively. I began studying (again) for the Auditing section. *sigh* That was a really short study break that I got.

Otherwise, we are all just as busy as ever. Maddie just started her second year of dance and is taking tap and ballet this time. She loves both of them! Mackenzie and I are doing Kindermusick together, and we have SO much fun! She just loves to sing and dance, so it's all right up her alley. Plus, she's such a fun-loving, social child, and she greatly enjoys being with the other kids.

I guess that's it for now...just busy, busy, busy as ever! Guess I'd be bored if it were any different.

I'll Never Forget...How About You?

2006-09-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

REMEMBERING 9.11.2001

http://911digitalarchive.org/special/americaattacked/index1.html

NEVER, EVER FORGET!

GOD BLESS THE USA!

In Memory of Flight 5191 - Please Help!

2006-08-29T15:10:00.000-04:00

As you may know, Comair Flight 5191 crashed in Lexington a little after 6:00 am on Sunday morning. Forty-seven passengers and 2 crew members perished in that flight - one crew member, the co-pilot, survived. I knew three of those people and was familiar with many more.

Carole Bizzack - Wife of John Bizzack. My last "real" job I had was with Bittersweet Associates. John was part owner of Bittersweet. The offices were located in the farm office of Bittersweet Farm in Lexington where John and Carole lived. Carole would come into the office daily just laughing and joking. She was SO witty, and she was one of the most sincere people you could ever meet. She loved her horses and her dogs, and she loved people. She could lighten up a room just by entering it. I am SO much better for having known her. Besides John, she also leaves behind two grown children, Stacy and Jason.

Larry Turner - Larry was the neighbor of my Aunt Jane. He was associate dean of Agriculture for the Univ. of Kentucky. Before this plane crash, he had survived two near-fatal car accidents and he had survived male breast cancer.

Les Morris II - Mr. Morris was associated with the law offices of Stoll, Keenon, Ogden. I do a lot of work with this firm, and I have run into him before through both their offices and through the Bluegrass Estate Planning Council which I oversee. His wife, Kaye, was also killed in the crash.

Also, I did not know her, but the sister of Mike Browning was also killed on this flight. Mike Browning, coincidentally, is also part owner of Bittersweet Associates, along with John Bizzack. As far as I know, she and Carole were NOT flying together. They just happened to be on the same flight. As you can imagine, the whole Bittersweet office reeling from not one, but TWO losses.

Click here for the complete flight list.

On to an important issue for this post:

Amy Clay is the wife of the Captain of Flight 5191, Jeff Clay. Amy is a fellow OvuSofter (an online Mother's community, for those who aren't familiar with OvuSoft). She lives in the Northern KY area, and she had been widowed at a very young age with two small babies - one of which was just born in May. As you can imagine, Amy is destroyed right now and is especially hurt at how her husband is being portrayed in the media.

A few of us Kentucky OvuSoft gals have set up a fund for Amy and her babies to help with any expenses she may need in the short term or else to put aside for her children in a savings fund. If you are interested, you can make a donation through PayPal (http://www.paypal.com) to the address Amybethsfund@insightbb.com. Feel free to contact me with any questions.

May God bless the victims and surviving families of Flight 5191.

GONE...BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

Welcome to STUDY CENTRAL!

2006-08-22T10:37:00.000-04:00

I've had my nose so firmly planted in a book lately that I think I have a flat tip on it now.

My life is consumed with everything that is CPA Exam. BOOOORRRRIIINNNNGGGGG... (Now do you see why I haven't updated in awhile - LOL!)

That's exactly what I've been up to - studying - watching DVD lectures, answering multiple choice practice questions, doing applications, reading the required readings. Only 9 more days until I take the first part...then I move on to the next part and so on and so forth until I take (and hopefully pass) them all.

I'm feeling confidant this time around. I keep telling myself that I CAN do this, and I DESERVE to have my certification. I've worked HARD. I WILL do it.

My health continues to wane throughout all of this. The less sleep I get...the more stress I put on myself...the more things that envelope my days...the worse I feel. It's catching up with me right now. I normally go to bed between 10-11 PM. I have been getting in bed lately between 11-12, and then the tremors and muscle twitches keep me up half of the rest of the night. It's a vicious process, but I have to try really hard to make it through this. It will pay off in the end...if it doesn't send me into a MAJOR flare up!

The girls are both very well...Maddie had her 4 year check up this past friday. I told her that she's perfectly square - she weighed 42 lbs and was 42" tall! She just looked at me like I was stupid. I'm sure that won't be the last time I get that look either...

She got 3 shots to finish out her pre-school immunizations. She tried hard not to cry...I DID cry! She tried SO hard to be strong and to be a big girl. Her little face was all squished up, and she had her fists firmly planted in her eyes, but she held it back as best as she could. Watching her try so hard to be a big girl made me cry in return. Ahhh...yet another vicious cycle.

She will begin 4 year old pre-school on September 6th. She's still excited...I'm still nervous.

Mackenzie is still Mackenzie. So full of life and energy and happiness! She has become quite the daddy's girl lately. Everything is "where Dah-dy?" "Dah-dy" this..."Dah-dy" that... She is very fond of men in general. She loves my Dad and Phil's Dad as well. Us women...eh...she can take us or leave us, but her guys are her guys!

In other news, we - OK, PHIL - just finished painting our two-story foyer! Our walls have been stark white since we moved in. We painted the foyer and all the way down the 2nd floor hallway a color called "Wheat Grass." It is a green color with an ever so slight hint of yellow and brown in it. It looks FABULOUS, but I'm hoping it doesn't end up being something where people walk in and are shocked. It's not bright at all, but in certain lights, it can take on a lime-colored look, which I don't like, but what do you do? I'll post pictures soon.

Finally, we had one last loss in our family last week. Phil's Aunt Betty died. I had written about her before...she had been on life support (feeding tube). They had previously removed the feeding tube, but then she almost miraculously recovered! She ended up taking a turn for the worse again and died on the Friday before last. She suffered with the disease, COPD, for 10 years, and she literally fought for each and every breath she took in that 10 years. She is in a MUCH better place now - and she can breathe as freely as possible now.

Thanks for reading...I'll finally end it here now. I'll update again soon!

Myokymia...what?!?

2006-08-07T14:01:00.000-04:00

Sorry that I've been so slow in updating this blog...there has been SOOOOOOOO much going on lately.

For one, I've been completely busy with all of the work that I've had on my desk. I've finally waded through all of that and have finished most of my big projects - YAY!

Secondly, I've been studying for my CPA exam - YAY! I actually say YAY to that because I'm excited about it. I kind of feel like I've gotten a second chance - and this time I have to be serious about it. I feel like a kid in school again with the studying, partying...OOPS, I mean... : ) (Just kidding!) So I'm scheduled to take the first of four parts of the exam on August 31st at 4:00 PM. Please pray, if you are so inclined, that God's will may shine through on this.

So...on to the topic at hand. What the heck is Myokymia?

According to this website, it "...describes successive, involuntary, small muscle contractions or tics that affect a bundle of muscles. The muscle movements are usually visible under the skin and can be felt." I found this to be VERY true starting this past Thursday night. I was working quietly when all of the sudden, I thought that an Alien was going to pop out of my left arm! (Think of the "Alien" movies, if you have seen them.) My arm muscles began rippling and moving so much that you could see it on the outside. It got painful after awhile, I suppose, because the muscles were moving so much and in such crazy contorted directions.

This lasted about 3 days and even traveled into my leg, along with some lovely vibration feelings.

So...this sucks for 2 reasons:

1. This all happened on my LEFT side. Everything else has happened previously on my RIGHT side. A switch in sides typically denotes a new flare up. GRRRRR....here we go again!

2. According, again, to the above-referenced webpage, "...myokymia is seen in a number of serious nervous conditions including multiple sclerosis." Great. Just another thing to add to the growing list.

So now that we've all learned a new word today, let's all go out and use it in everyday life. ;) Or not...

Anyway, I know that I still owe you all pictures from Maddie's birthday party, and I will get them up soon. We have some really cute shots that I'm dying to share. I'll try to do that later tonight or tomorrow.

TTFN...

The MStery...

2006-08-03T09:38:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! Sorry to have not updated here for awhile. I've been working WAY too much, and I have decided to start taking the CPA exam again, which I will talk more about in my next post.

I just wanted to post this from an e-mail that someone had sent me. Very accurate...

The MStery
So tell me about this illness you've got,
Is it dangerous or not?
I'm telling you, you look so good,
Are you sure the doctors have not misunderstood?
Well I'm feeling fine today its true,
So perhaps I'll go dancing the night away,
And not return till the break of day.
Can you do that, is that really safe for you?
Aren't you an invalid so to speak?
Aren't there things you just should not do,
I thought you said you sometimes get weak?
Just a week has passed and how can it be,
That you are now weak and feeling so sad?
How can you suddenly be this bad?
Things really do look kind of bleak.
I don't understand it either, you know
And please excuse me if I have to speak slow,
I cannot move from out of this bed,
I don't even think i can lift my head.
How can you look so good and be ill?
I really cannot understand it still,
How is it one day you feel so fine,
And another you seem like you're losing your mind?
This MS thing is a mystery it's true,
Did you say you feel dizzy and wobbly and blue?
Do you always get tired from a walk round town?
I told you i'm up and then I am down.
Sometimes I can't feel my legs or my hands,
Sometimes I feel I'm wrapped in rubber bands,
The fatigue is a nightmare it drives you insane,
And then there is that awful nagging pain.
All I can tell you is yes its strange,
And brings along a lot of change,
But I live my life from day to day,
I keep the faith and I try to pray.
I keep my mind busy,
I eat the right food,
I try to keep positive,
Try to be good.
But without my friends,
I could never get through,
And because of them each day is now brand new.
I mean what more can anyone do??
~Author Unknown

Thank you all for being my friends...without you all, I truly could never get through.

I must go work and study more now...bleh! Can you all please keep my best friend, Tabitha, in your prayers? She is pregnant and due in October, and she's been experiencing a lot of complications. Please pray that she and baby Cameron both remain safe and well until his birth. Thanks!

I'll write again soon...

Everything is Status Quo

2006-07-25T11:09:00.000-04:00

OK...here's the update from my Neurologist appointment...not a whole lot to tell.

First of all, I told him about the symptoms I've had since the last time I saw him - dizziness, fatigue, burning sensation, ringing ears, sheer grumpiness ; ), non-usable right hand, nausea, etc., etc. Dr. Fee told me that if this were 40 years ago, he would tell me that I have Multiple Sclerosis and we'd go on down that path. However, since this is 2006 and there are many tests and MANY criteria that have to be met, he has no choice but to leave me in limbo land for a while longer. It's OK...I'm used to it by now. Sheesh...am I used to it...

He went on to explain to me that some of my symptoms could be caused by migraines. Migraines, apparently, have evolved to where they don't necessarily contain head pain. Hmm...interesting, I guess. He did admit that SOME...not all...of my symptoms *could* be attributed to that, but again, he's just not sure. So, on his "short list" right now is Multiple Sclerosis and Migraines. Fun times for all.

I get "real" migraines about once every 3-4 months now. I used to have them more frequently, but ever since going off of the pill, I have had them far less. When I get them, I get the classic symptoms - HORRIBLE head pain, flashing vision, nausea/vomiting, etc. They put me in bed for the day. I wanted to tell him that I KNOW all about migraines, and having no head pain is NOT part of it...but I guess he's the doc, and he knows best, huh?

He increased my dosage of Neurontin from 1200 mgs/day to 1600 mgs/day. He said that this should help to get rid of the rest of the nagging burning sensation that plagues me daily, and it may help get rid of some of the grumpies that I've been dealing with lately (which he thinks may be physiological in nature due to changes in my brain and nervous system). We'll see how that works.

That's pretty much it. I go back to see him in 4 months unless I need him before then. I'll be waiting with baited breath for that one. Really, I will.

SO...in other news...my oldest child has turned 4 years old. I can't believe it! Not only does that mean that she's growing so fast, it also means that I'm that much older. : ) I'll write more about her b-day party and post some pictures from it tomorrow...I'm slow these days about downloading pictures off of my camera.

Have a great day, everyone!

Another Loss...

2006-07-19T11:46:00.000-04:00

We've had yet another loss in our family - my favorite great aunt, Pansy, died on Sunday. She lived in Ashland - about 2 1/2 hours from me, so I didn't get to see her before she died. She had a very aggressive form of cancer. Her manor of death was a blessing...they had moved her to hospice and had given her 2-3 days to live at that time. She was in NO pain at all. The nurses kept trying to come in to give her medication for pain, and she kept telling them that she wouldn't take it - she didn't feel bad. She was full of laughter and smiled right up until she passed in her sleep. That is just how I would have wanted to remember her.

I always loved going to spend the night with her when I was a kid. She was SO much fun. She would get out her Atari game system (LOL!) and she would get down in the floor with us and play Frogger for hours on end. She was SO competitive! In the mornings, we would wake up to the smell of a WONDERFUL, HUGE breakfast - eggs, sausage, bacon, grits, toast, muffins, and biscuits - I got to help butter the biscuits every time! That was MY job. Oh...and we can't forget her FAMOUS red-eye gravy!! I will miss her, but I will remember her SO fondly.

In other news...my baby turns FOUR in just 3 days. I can't believe how fast the time has gone!!! She's just such a beautiful, loving, excited, happy, and glowing child. I'm so proud of her. Oh, don't get me wrong...she has my Irish temper, that's for sure, but overall, she's a true joy and just so much fun! Phil has been building her wooden playset that we got her for her birthday in our backyard. Now, she doesn't know what it is yet, as it STILL doesn't quite resemble a playset. Anyway, yesterday, she asked my Mom what Daddy was building in the backyard. Mom told her that she didn't know what it was, and Maddie replied with, "Oh, I know what it is...Daddy's building an exercise thing....but why's he building it outside!?!" :) Nothing gets past this kid.

I go to the Neurologist on Friday...I'm nervous. I just want answers, and I'm so scared that I will never have answers. I have my MRI scans to take to him. Maybe he will be able to tell something as he has never looked directly at the scans themselves. I have a lot to tell him about, that's for sure. I'll report here how it went, as always.

Thanks for reading...and especially THANK YOU for all of your support, phone calls and e-mails that you've all sent when I was feeling down last week. Friendships are the biggest thing that help me get through this! I love you all!!

I Think I'll Be OK!

2006-07-11T14:30:00.000-04:00

I hope that I didn't alarm anyone with my last post. I was just having a *REALLY* bad few days...it just came to a point where I realized that I need to be proactive in getting rid of this JUNK in my mind.

There are a few of you who have been so wonderful with your e-mails and messages...you know who you are. It's SO wonderful to know that there are people who really care and want to help no matter how many miles are between us. I am blessed with such wonderful friends. Thank you!

I made a decision that I will talk to my Neurologist about how I've been feeling. He may end up sending me back to my regular doctor about this emotional stuff, in particular, but that is fine.

I have also made the decision to CONSCIOUSLY be happy. I've decided to SLOW DOWN in my life a bit. I don't HAVE to make it to an appointment RIGHT AT 1:00...if I make it there at 1:02, it's OK. I don't HAVE to work until bedtime every single night. I can pace myself, and I can tell my clients that they will have their things done before the deadlines, but they just might not get it a day or two after they give it to me. I don't HAVE to run myself ragged doing things that don't matter...having jewelry parties and Pampered Chef parties, etc. I can say NO. I WILL say NO.

I am also making the conscious choice to let things roll off my back. There is a situation right now in a buddy group that I am in where one or two people are picking on and saying very ugly things to another person. Those who know me well will tell you that I am FIERCELY loyal to my friends, and I will defend them until the end. I've had to make the choice to stay out of this as much as I want to defend my friend - she is a MS sufferer. It's not my fight...I don't need to make it my fight. I am better off skipping posts made by these people. Same with driving and politics...I'm not trying to race anyone or get in front of everyone who's going slower than I want them to, and I'm keeping the nightly news OFF to steer clear of the politics.

Finally...I am PRAYING. Praying that God "grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

In the few days that I've made these changes, I can already sense such a huge difference. My mood is lighter...things don't grind on my nerves as much. Don't get me wrong, I still have a ways to go until I can call myself completely serene, but don't we all?

Physically, I am about the same...my right hand, while a bit better, is still giving me problems, the fatigue is still a problem, dizziness, burning, etc.. Something new that started yesterday is that now my LEFT shoulder (everything until now has been on my right side) has began vibrating. It's a very strange and aggavating sensation. There is no pain...just vibrating. Hmmm...guess that's another one for the books. Sheesh!

So once again...THANK YOU for all of the love and support that you all give to me. None of it is ever unnoticed, believe me.

Who am I now?

2006-07-06T14:00:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering what's going on with me for awhile. Not just the physical junk that clouds everything - most days, but this mental, emotional junk.

I haven't talked to anyone about this before, and frankly, I'm not sure what's going on. I've always considered myself to be a very happy, content person, and I still am. I trust in God, love Him with all of my heart, and believe in His divine plan for my life.

But lately, I've just not felt quite right. I am so easy to anger these days...I'm crabby and easily irritated. I find myself screaming at traffic in my car...as if they can really hear me. I find myself getting aggravated over the silliest little things that my girls or husband might do. Just nonsense!

This is NOT me.

There have been a lot of stresses around me lately - death and sickness in our families, the uncertaintly of my condition, the stress of Phil not having a job, the fact that I have so much to do and so little time in which to do it. It's just all caving in around me right now.

All I can do is pray that God will surround me with His awesome love and mercy - that He will help me to be calm in the most dire situations and in the most simple situations. I cannot use excuses such as being sick or tired or whatever...I just cannot. The bottom line is that I, and I alone, carry the ability to CHOOSE to be happy or not. I have to remind myself of this daily.

I LOVE my life, and I would not change even one tiny bit of it (except that maybe I'd give myself the ability to hire another person to help me - LOL!). I adore my children and husband, I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family, I have a great business with great clients who excuse my wackiness and forgetfulness, I have friends who are just out of this world, I have a lovely home, food on my table and clothes on my back. I have NO REASON at all to be feeling the way that I do.

I just have to choose to be happy...and that's all.

Happy Independence Day!!!!!

2006-07-03T12:22:00.000-04:00

Hope everyone has a great July 4th!!!

Our holiday has started off with a BANG - literally! We went to our annual family Independence Day picnic at my aunts house on Saturday. She has a pool, so the kids (and me) were able to swim, and we all just had a good time eating and chatting with everyone.

Funny thing was that no one brought any fireworks except for my Uncle Steve...he bought about 7 shells that they fired off, and then he found a few of the "cheesy" fireworks in his garage from last year. I think our whole fireworks show lasted about 10 minutes if you compressed the time that was spent setting them up and lighting them. : ) That was probably a good thing, though, seeing as how someone in the family ALWAYS ends up on fire every year. LOL!!

Maddie finished up two straight weeks of Level 1 swim classes...she flunked. She refused to do a few things because "it gets (her) face and hair wet!!!" What a princess (and not in the good sense)!! So swimming isn't her forte. After her last class on Friday, she asked me if there were any more swim classes...I told her no, and her response was, "OK...when does my tap class start?" I keep telling myself that she's not going to excel at EVERYTHING...so note to self: keep her away from the pool and IN the dance studio. (Fine by me...)

Mackenzie, on the other hand, is a little FISH! I put her in the pool with me on Saturday, and she went crazy. I would put her on her belly, and she would move her arms and kick her legs in the water. She kept putting her face under the water - at 21 months old!! She's going to be the swimmer, I believe.

As far as me...I lost the use of my right hand yesterday (again). This has happened numerous times, only yesterday, I lost use of it ALL DAY. That is unusual and troublesome for me. It worried me quite a bit. Today, it still is pretty clumsy acting, but I can use it again. Otherwise, I've been tired, tired, tired....just not enough hours in the day for everything. I'm afraid of delving into another flare up with all of the stress and everything that's been going on. I see Dr. Fee again in 18 days...hopefully we'll continue further down the road to answers and a diagnosis. (Again, this vent is more for documenting purposes so that I can remember to tell the Dr.)

Phil is still searching for a new job...in the meantime, he's becoming quite the Mr. Mom. The girls are starting to go to him more for everything (except for bedtime, which Mommy is the only one they want then). It kind of warms my heart to see them so attached to him...where I was afraid that they would never adjust to not having Mom around, now I'm afraid that they won't adjust when she does come back. Well...sort of... ; )

I think that's it....I hope that you all have a wonderful, safe, and fun July 4th!!!

A Eulogy

2006-06-29T10:23:00.000-04:00

Margaret Brothers Gregory

(Margaret is on the right - to the left is my grandmother, Juanita)

We lost our dear Granny this past Sunday, June 25th.

She was born on July 10, 1919. She was married to the late Arthur "Bear" Gregory, former Sheriff of Woodford County. Together they owned a small grocery store in Nonesuch, KY. They had two children, Marcella and Bill (my father-in-law). Six grandchildren (Phil, Chris and Michael Gregory, Brian, Danny and David Richardson). Eight great-grandchildren.

There is so much to say about this woman - a wonderful, loving, caring, witty, AMAZING lady. She was a true Matriarch of her family. She loved her family so much, and she was incredibly loyal and protective of them all. Anyone who hurt any of her family members were forever on her blackball list...and that wasn't a bad thing.

She was a total prankster...she loved to scare people and to make people jump in fright, but she also loved to be on the receiving end of pranks. She was scared to death of mice...yet she had a tiny little stuffed mouse that sat on her kitchen window. When she wasn't looking, her grandsons would steal the mouse and throw it under her feet screaming "Look out, Granny...there's a mouse." Every single time - no matter how many times they would do that - she would scream and jump. Every single time. Then she would chase the prankster out the door, down the stairs of the deck and into the yard laughing the whole way - even at 86 years old. One would think that she would have put that mouse away somewhere else, but something tells me that she liked having that prank pulled on her.

Sundays...ahhhh, Sundays. No one on this Earth could cook like Granny. She made fried chicken to make Colonel Sanders himself cry. She would start making Sunday dinners on Friday. No one helped her - she wouldn't allow anyone to help her! Once Sunday arrived, there would be a glorious array of fried chicken surrounded by NO LESS than 12 side dishes - usually more. She would have mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, cauliflower, cole slaw, carrots, dressing, rolls, fruit, greenbeans, corn, and SO much more. She made the best sweet tea in the world, and her desserts were divine like everything else. She did that EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. And she wouldn't let anyone help her, even, with cleaning up.

Granny was so easy and fun to talk to. She had so many stories to tell, but at the same time, she was always interested to hear what others had to say. There was simply no one like her.

What I loved the most about Granny was that she welcomed me with open arms into her family. She never assumed anything about me - just took me for who I was. She was always excited to see us and the girls. I was so honored that she was able to attend Maddie's ballet recital a couple of weeks before she died...and I was also SO happy that we were able to experience one last Sunday dinner with her the Sunday before she died.

I know that she is hand-in-hand with her dear husband right now watching down over us all from Heaven. She was a wonderful woman...simple as that...and she will be sorely, lovingly missed.

ICHTHUS!!!!!!!!

2006-06-20T12:16:00.000-04:00

Phil and I got to attend the Ichthus Festival (huge Christian music festival) again this past weekend. My Dad works with the stage electric there, so he always gets us backstage passes. We are able to eat in the hospitality tent with the different bands, which is pretty neat. I just HAD to attend this year because my favorite band, which has been my favorite band for 15 years now - as long as they've been out - is retiring this year. This was my last chance to see them in concert. :( I'm SO sad, but I know that God will use them in different ways in the future. Mark Stuart, the lead singer of Audio Adrenaline, has a chronic problem with his vocal chords. You could tell it during the concert as he struggled to sing. It was so sad...he's such a talented guy, but the concert was, as always AWESOME!!!! This was, I think, my 8th time seeing them in concert. Anyway, we were standing to the side of the stage, but here's some pictures I was able to get:

This is Mark Stuart, lead singer...with Tyler Burkum, lead guitarist behind him (and that bassist, Will McGinness, to the far right):

This is bassist, Will McGinniss' back- LOL!:Full stage view (the crowd is to the left of the picture):

I know you all could probably not care less about these pictures, but I just wanted to document it since I won't ever get to see them again (sniff, sniff)...

Anyway, an update on me: Not doing too well right now. Just lots of "little" things adding up to make me miserable. My right hand isn't working well again. Lots of headaches, weakness, pains, etc. Blah, blah, blah. I really do feel like I'm just existing at this point. I have SO much work to do - it's really stacking up - and I just have NO motivation to do anything. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep...that's all. I see my Neurologist again on 7/21 - my Dad's b-day, and the day before Maddie's b-day. While my hope is almost completely gone for getting answers, I hope that at least, we can make a move (however big or small) towards that goal.

Thank you all so much for your continued support and friendship. It means more to me than you will ever know.

Maddie's a Ballet Star!

2006-06-20T11:52:00.000-04:00

A few fun things have happened over the last week or two: Maddie's very first ballet recital and the ICHTHUS festival (will talk about in next post)!!!

Here is Maddie in her dance costume:

This is a cuter picture of her:

Phil insisted on taking pictures of the actual recital with his regular camera, so I'll post pictures from that whenever we get those back and I can scan them in.

The recital was SO cute!! They basically did everything they normally do during their class, but the funny part was that Maddie and her best friend, Melody, kept hugging each other through the whole thing. They are SO cute together, and I just love it that Maddie has a best friend.

Maddie started swim lessons yesterday (with Melody in tow, too). She absolutely LOVES it!! They are just learning basic things like how to walk down the steps into the water by themselves, how to put their face in the water, some basic strokes, etc.

Mackenzie, as always, is a mess! She's talking a LOT more now...mostly backtalking us already! Lots of NO's! Whenever she gets mad at us, she starts jabbering away in some alien language, in which I'm pretty sure she's cussing us! LOL!!! Seriously, though...she is such a sweet and loving child. I just look at her (and Maddie, too) and thank GOD for blessing us with such treasures.

Here are a couple of pictures that I love of the girls (please excuse the messy hair):

Just an update...

2006-06-05T10:12:00.000-04:00

Things are pretty much status quo here.

After doing absolutely NOTHING over the weekend, I believe I'm still in the middle of a minor flare-up. I've been having a lot of problems with my right hand again. It's been kind of clumsy and hard to work with, if that makes any sense. I'm sure it doesn't help any that I forgot to take my Neurontin all day yesterday. I remembered it around 5:30 last night, so I took one at 5:30, one at 8:15 and the other at 11:00. EEK!! Thankfully, it didn't make me sick or anything like that.

I mentioned this before, but I've still been having a lot of numbness in the crease of my right leg. It's the darndest thing, I swear!!! The right side of my pelvis is numb, and it goes all the way around my right leg up to my right buttcheek. LOL! It doesn't last for a long, long time, but it does happen frequently. So strange!

I wanted to address the two ANONYMOUS comments that have been left here over the last couple of days:

1. One comment left said something to the effect that Chronic Epstein-Barr Virus is very real and that this person had been suffering from it for over 2 1/2 years. First of all, I'm very sorry for your diagnosis, and I know how bad you must feel right now. I have suffered from it for over 7 1/2 years, so I DO know that it is very real. I, in no way, want to downplay CEBV because so many people do suffer from it, but my symptoms go over and beyond my CEBV, and I also cannot discount all of the studies saying that high/chronic levels of EBV may be the cause of MS. I hope that you are able to find some relief from your fatigue very soon.

2. The second question asked me if I've been evaluated for Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My answer is YES. I've been evaluated, literally, for everything. My Neurologist has said that he has ruled out everything, but he cannot rule out MS at this time. Right now, he is waiting for my tests to show MS. Believe me, I have asked tons of questions about this, and I have asked him about every possible thing. Thank you for your input, though.

Anyway, we did do one thing over the weekend. We took Maddie to her first movie at the theater (finally!). We saw "Over the Hedge," which was a cute movie, but kind of slow, I thought. Towards the middle of it, Maddie started getting fidgety, but overall, she enjoyed it - especially since she got popcorn, gummy bears and a sprite! : ) She was completely impressed by the "big TV."

I guess that's it for now. I'm still trying to get a lot of work done for my new client....it's SOOOOOOOO ultra time-consuming!! Oh well...that means lots of green, I guess.

Take care, everyone!!

"ANONYMOUS" posters....

2006-06-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

Seems that I've had a pretty big onslaught of Anonymous posters lately.

While I greatly appreciate any input that anyone (family, friends or lurkers) would like to give me, and I certainly welcome posters whom I do not know, please do not post anonymously. I would like to be able to respond back to you, and some of the comments left, while they were not hateful, are comments that I need to respond to.

So....if you're a lurker and want to post here, why not sign in and/or leave your name???

Thanks in advance!

Mimi

My front yard - new and improved

2006-05-29T21:22:00.000-04:00

I thought I would share some pictures of my front yard. Phil and I have been working really hard on getting it in shape and looking good.

This is the "mature" flowerbed (ie., this is the 2nd year for the grass, boxwoods and hostas - the Japanese maple is 5 years old - we brought it over from our old house):

This is the left side of our house. We just added the evergreen tree and the three boxwoods down the side of the house. In the corner where that hiddeous gas meter is, there is a very small yucca plant but you can't see it in the picture. It's planted right in front of the meter in hopes that it will grow big enough very soon to shield it:

This is a new bed that we just planted on the far side of our garage (right side of the house). The tall evergreen tree will eventually get up to 12 ft. high and 5 ft. wide. The small plants on either side are just some perinneals that bloom in the fall:

These plants were also planted last year. The evergreen tree to the right was about a foot smaller last year when we planted it. The two grassy-looking plants are miniature irises (dark purple) which are getting blooms on them now. The plant in the middle is a hosta. The chair in the background was my special project. It was an old white wicker rocker that my aunt gave me. It had a hiddeous flowery pillow that I quickly got rid of, and I painted the chair a dark brown. I LOVE it, and it adds SO much to my front porch:

Finally, our labor of love and most recent accomplishment...my newly painted door!! The door before was the same color as the trim and was completely dirty and disgusting looking. I repainted the trim while Phil painted the door, and I personally think it looks FABULOUS! Really adds a lot to the curb appeal of the house. The color is actually a reddish-brown color, though it difficult to tell from the photo:
Hope that you enjoyed the pictures. We've worked SO hard on making everything look and feel like home. OK, so Phil did far more of the "grunt" work than I did (thanks, Honey!!), but I'm still really proud of it. Plus, the artist ideas of it all can be attributed to my brilliancy! LOL!

So now the fun part starts...next project - tiling the master bathroom floor. Anyone know how to do that??? Lots of indoor projects to do (painting, laying tile and laying wood laminate downstairs)....followed by backyard projects (landscaping, adding a sitting/firepit area, getting the playground layed out and done). Should be fun...yeh, right. I'll keep the pictures coming as things progress.

Cheers!

Maddie and Mackenzie

2006-05-23T11:37:00.000-04:00

I haven't given an update on my girlies lately. They are both doing so well! I should really talk about them more here and complain less, huh? : )

MADDIE

Maddie will turn 4 in just 8 1/2 more weeks! : ( Where does the time go??? She is pretty much fully potty-trained now, with the exception of a few "LAZY" accidents here and there. She does wear a Pull-Up at night, though. We'll work on that next. She is about to graduate from her very first ballet class...recital will be on June 7th. Mommy will cry. I'll be sure to post pictures of her in her pretty, frilly costume. After that, on June 19th, she will begin swimming classes. She's very excited about it, and I'm excited that she'll be learning how to deal with being in the water...just in case.

She's very funny and inciteful! She has made up at least a dozen of her own songs, my favorite of which is "3-2-1...Blastoff...b-b-blastoff...blastoff all day!" My second favorite is "Katie's coming over today, Katie's coming over today, Katie's coming over today and we're gonna play." (Have NO idea who Katie is...) She tells me things like, "Mommy, you're making me EXASPERATED!" At church this past week, she was sitting there really bored listening to the sermon, then the communion and offering, and when the piano player started playing, she leaned over and whispered to me, "Mommy, it's going off now." (As in the credits rolling after a show - LOL!)

MACKENZIE

Mackenzie is a little monkey. She's constantly climbing, jumping, throwing (or more like FLINGING - her food)...she's a ball of energy. Loves to SCREAM at the top of her lungs. She's starting to say more lately...I'd been a bit worried about her lack of speech, but it seems she's finally beginning to say a little more now. I keep forgetting that she was a preemie...that I really have to adjust her age and remember what she should and shouldn't be doing right now. I guess taking that into consideration, she's average on her speech.

She loves to dance! Any time Maddie sings one of her songs, Mackenzie will just stomp and march and carry on along with her. And she LOVES her big sis! She's constantly hugging Maddie and loving on her...and sometimes Maddie doesn't want her to do that. I just figured out yesterday that she's addicted to her blanket. I put her down for a nap, and her usual blanket that's been in her bed with her forever wasn't there. She would NOT take any other blanket that I gave her. We finally found it, and she just hugged it and tucked it up between her shoulder and head and laid down with it. Oh boy! This should be interesting...it's kind of sweet, though.

So here's a few pictures from Easter and some other things (better late than never, huh?):
This is Maddie and her friend, Jada. Jada is Jamie's daughter, my good friend who posts here sometimes. This was the morning after we all went to see the Disney Princesses on Ice.

Here's Maddie and Mackenzie in their Easter dresses. I can't believe that Mackenzie actually left her hair bow in all day!!

Maddie kept picking the pretty blooms off of Nana and Pappy's tree, but I thought this was a cute picture of her anyway. : )

I think this is my most favorite picture of Mackenzie ever! (Actually a picture that she sat still for!) Take notice of the phone she's holding...that was my very first cell phone!!! LOL! Look how HUGE it is!

And finally, this is Maddie with her "friends!" They're actually her second cousins, Gracie (left) and Emma (right). They are the daughters of my cousin, Kathy.

Hope you enjoyed!!

Going Backwards...

2006-05-23T11:12:00.000-04:00

Bad news...as of yesterday, I'm officially slipping back into another Flare-Up.

I'm SOOOOOOO mad at myself! It all started last Thursday night. I had been feeling SO well for the last couple of months, and especially on that particular day, that I did 30 minutes of aerobics (which made me sweat profusely) and I followed it up with 15 minutes on the weight bench and 10 minutes of crunches. That's all it took.

All day the next day, I felt so tired and run down (not sore, mind you), and it's just escaladed. On Sunday, I cleaned a lot and did so much around the house. Combine that with the fact that our A/C stopped working on our 2nd floor of our TWO YEAR OLD HOUSE! It made me very overheated, and all of that combined has worn me to the core.

Welcome back, fatigue, weakness, shaky right hand, dizziness, burning and numbness. Welcome back falling asleep at 8:30 on the couch! I sure did miss you! NOT! This might be too much info for some (sorry in advance), but last night I went numb on my right side from my buttcheek all the way up the crease of my leg and up to the right side of my pelvis. That's new! Geez! What next??

I'm going to give this a few more days before calling my Neurologist. I want to make sure this isn't something that will go away on its own (I highly doubt it, unfortunately). If by Friday, I'm not any better or feeling worse, I will call and make an appointment.

Thanks for listening to my griping. I like to document all of this in this blog so that I don't forget it and can go back and make a list for the doctor when I go.

Cheers!

An Update

2006-05-19T10:39:00.000-04:00

Oh my gosh! I can't believe it's been 18 days since I updated this. Sorry, everyone. Things have just been SO hectic, you would think it's tax season all over again. Sheesh!

I started working with a new client over the last few weeks...they are an Aflac affiliate and have not done any bookkeeping for the entire year of 2005! My job is to catch them up all the way through today, especially so that their 2005 tax returns can get done. (Yes, they filed an extension -heehee!).

Funny thing is that they gave me two of the plush Aflac ducks to give to my girls. The duck says, "Aflac....Aflac....AFLAC!!!" Well, Mackenzie now apparently thinks that all ducks say "AFLAC!" LOL! She's a mess!

Let's see...what else...

Thanks so much for all of your prayers for my Dad. They are working! He has been getting up and out a lot lately. He still can't be up for long, long periods of time, but he is able to run to the store quickly with Mom, sit outside, and he even dropped by our house with Mom for a few minutes the other night. He's got a good few more weeks to recover, but overall, he's doing very well.

I'm still doing Weight Watchers...but not very well... : ( I'm struggling lately with my will-power. I just CRAVE all foods - any foods, and it's keeping me at a plateau right now. I GAINED 2 lbs. last week. I'm back down now, but not by much. It's so much harder this time around, for some reason. I'm down by 8 lbs. right now, but I still have about 20 more to go. Bleh!

Maddie is about to graduate from her first ballet class soon. Her recital is going to be on June 7th! I'm SO excited!!! She's got a new best friend from her class, too - Melody (who is the daughter of Leslie (Trana) Gilpin for those of you who know her). Everytime they get to class, they both make a beeline to see each other and hug. After ballet is over, they are going to take a swim class together. Maddie's excited for the swim class, but she's even more excited that Melody will be taking it with her!

Mackenzie is a little mess...but she's SO sweet. She's gotten into the habit of hugging and kissing us all day long, and I'm just eating it up! She's been pretty slow at talking (unlike Maddie who exited the womb talking our ears off), but she's really good at communicating non-verbally with us. I think she doesn't say much because Maddie does the talking for her. She CAN say words, but she usually will just shake her head or point, etc. At night, I always sing the "Barney" song to her - "I love you, you love me..." Whenever she's ready to go to bed, she started point at herself with both hands, and that's the cue that it's time to start singing. :)

I've been feeling VERY well still, which I'm happy about. I did exercise the other night, and I got overheated...it's set me for a bit of a loop, but I'm hoping that the leftover feelings from that will go away soon and not spin me into a new flare-up. I went to pick up my MRI film from the Clinic, and it was fairly disconcerting. The doctor who read my scans (just some doc from the clinic) seemed to only focus on looking for large masses and/or degenerative problems in my spine, etc. He really didn't mention even looking for lesions or anything like that. I'm glad that my doc will be looking at them. In looking at them myself, I found a couple of places that I want to show him that look "not normal" to me, but then again, I'm not a doc. ; )

Phil is still on the hunt for a new job. Please pray that something wonderful will come along for him soon.

That's pretty much it for now....we're pretty BORING at this time, but I guess that's good sometimes.

Hello to all of my buddies reading!! I hope that you are all doing very well (especially you, Tabitha, if you haven't disowned me as your best friend by now. I hope that you are feeling very well...and I hope to see you VERY soon!). Oh and Rhonda...I guess I'll be seeing you really soon, too!!! YAY!! Can't wait!

Take it easy!!

Just Some Stuff....

2006-05-01T11:10:00.000-04:00

Hello, dear family and friends! Hope you all are doing well. I am FEELING BETTER!!! WOOHOO!!! It's nice to get back to a "normal" life. I was able to clean the house really well this weekend...something that's been needing to be done for a long, long time. I've also been able to exercise quite a bit. Things are good!

Weight Watchers report...I've lost a total of 8 lbs. now! Eight down...20 more to go! EEK!

Have to tell some cute kid stories:

Maddie and I went shopping yesterday...just around town to K-Mart, Cato's and then to the grocery store. Cato's, if you don't know, is a women's clothing store, and it is literally the only place in town, besides K-Mart, to buy clothes. So Maddie is going through the store picking out things for me to try on, and mind you, she's doing a FABULOUS job at it! So we go back in the dressing room, and she critiqued every thing that I tried on...and she was right on the money every time! I tried on a pair of shorts that were, #1, too short, and #2, too tight, and Maddie says, "Mom...those shorts are fat on you." LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I heard the lady in the dressing room next to me snort! BUT(T)...they were too tight...she was exactly right. I bought the things that she told me to buy (yes, my 3.5 year old) because they were the exact right things for me to wear! I think I have a little fashionista on my hands!

Mackenzie and Maddie were playing with their Barbie's last night. I was cracking up the whole time watching Mackenzie. Now, she totally has the "second child syndrome," aka, she barely talks because Maddie talks for her. Well, she would pick up two Barbies, put their heads together and make a kissing noise...then she would make them "talk." She would make them look at each other, and then she would look at them very seriously and say, "Me, me, mo mo mo." The funny thing about it was that she would do this exact same sequence every time she would pick up two Barbies - pick them up, make them kiss, say "me me mo mo mo" and put them down. Repeat with the next two Barbies. I was just so cute! (And no, I have no clue what "me me mo mo mo" means...)

On a more serious note...

Will you all please pray for my Dad? He is having surgery tomorrow...he has discs in his spine (in the neck area) that are crushing down on his spine causing a lot of problems for him. He is pretty nervous...this is his first major surgery, so I think that is worrying him. If you will just pray that he comes through the surgery successfully and has an easy recovery, I would greatly appreciate it.

Also, you all remember me talking about my friend, Brian, from church who killed himself...well, he was "replaced" this past week with a new guitarist/vocalist in our praise band. I'm having a very difficult time accepting this person, though I still don't even know him. Thankfully, I didn't participate in praise team this week...I cried through a big part of the service yesterday. There is a song called "How Great is our God." Brian brought this song to us, and I can't even listen to it on the radio anymore because it just reminds me so much of him. Every time I hear it, I can just picture Brian up on that stage with his guitar singing so gently. It was my understanding that we were going to "bury" that song since he brought it to us. Well, this new guy starts singing this song...and he changed it from how we normally sing it. I don't know why, but I immediately felt so overwhelmed and hurt that I wanted to run out the door. I know that I have to get past this...and I know this poor new guy is probably having a hard enough time dealing with filling the shoes of someone who is gone and was so very loved. But I sit here typing this with tears in my eyes. When do you stop hurting over something like this? I have to get past this...

Anyway, that's life right now...good and bad! I just have to thank God for my family, friends, the health that I still have, the roof over my head, the food on my table, the work that helps me to support my family...all of it, I lift up to you, Lord. Thank you for your marvelous blessings. I don't say that often enough...

Much love to you all!!

My Neuro Didn't Ditch Me!!!!!!

2006-04-25T14:02:00.000-04:00

I'm SO excited...

I had my follow-up appt. with my Neurologist today after my EMG and sleep study. I was fully expecting him to say "It's all in your head - get lost!" (At least that's what my 1st Neuro. said - no wait...he said it was STRESS! )

My Neuro, instead, said - "I want to see you again in 3 months!" He gets it! He really, really gets it! Anyway, he said that my tests came back "unremarkable." He said that he is always happy when he doesn't find any immediate damage, but he also acknowledged that the current findings do not help me with what I'm going through. He let me know that he will continue on helping me to get answers.

He said that he didn't want to do anymore testing right now, which I said was GREAT with me! I've been feeling better lately, with the exception of some fatigue and that darn burning sensation (YAY!), so he said that he wants to see me in 3 months again. If I'm fine at that time, he wants to see me in 6 more months...then 9 more, etc. Of course, if I take a turn for the worse, he said that he definitely wants to see me as soon as something else happens.

He also upped my Neurontin dosage to 1200 mgs. per day (400 mg x 3). This should help take the burning sensations away hopefully. He did say that he still cannot rule out MS. He just can't prove anything at this time. He told me that I am still young and that he wouldn't expect much damage at this point in someone my age anyway. He said that is why he wants to continue seeing me - to keep track of any potential damage that may occur over time.

I'm glad that he is taking me so seriously. I hate that I still don't have any answers, but I'm "cautiously interested" to see what happens in the near future. I fully expected for him to send me packing, but it's just so great to have a doctor who's working for ME!

Oh! My sleep study! It was horrible and I never want to do anything like that ever again. I had 24 electrodes attached to various parts of my body, all with wires attached. They told me I could sleep on my sides, but that was near impossible. Seeing as how I am purely a side and stomach sleeper, this was sheer hell on me! Best part? They come in and ask me if I'm ready to wake up "that morning." I said OK if I didn't have a choice. As they were yanking electrodes (and skin and hair) off, I ask what time it is...5:45 AM!!!!!!!!! ARRRRHHHHH!!!!!! It's freakin' Saturday morning, dude...why are you waking me up so daggone early!?!

Anyway, it's over with...they said that I had no problems sleeping - DUH! I could have told them that!

What else...our good friends, Johnie and Angie, got married on Saturday. Beautiful wedding - FUN reception! We were able to catch up with some old friends that we haven't seen since OUR wedding 7 years ago! It was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed getting to get out and have some fun ADULT time.

Finally, my great aunt died over the weekend. She had an aneurism, and she had refused to undergo surgery to fix it. She was 80 years old and after about 4-6 months with this aneurism, it finally took her life. She went very peacefully. Please just pray for her immediate family, they are having a difficult time right now.

I *think* that's it...a lot going on lately. Whew!

Doctors, Schmoctors!

2006-04-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

Tax season is officially OVER with as far as I'm concerned!! I got away this year with filing only 1 extension for 1 client....I'm so geeked!! Now, though...quarterly payroll taxes are due by April 30th, so the race begins for those.

This was a *REALLY* busy weekend. First off...my EMG testing was on Friday. They told me it would last for an hour...3 hours later, I was finally finished. A medical tech did EXTENSIVE nerve studies on my right side (arm, leg, neck), and then Dr. Fee came in to do the EMG - the needle part. He checked quite a few different muscles including one in my face (!!!).

After the test, he told me that he would see me during my follow-up appt. on the 25th where we would discuss other symptoms, etc., but as for the EMG's, he said that he could see "borderline issues...but the picture as a whole wouldn't allow [him] to make any kind of call at this point." DUH!! He also said that the 13 pints...I mean, vials...of blood that they took during my last appointment netted a few "borderline" issues, but again, the picture as a whole wouldn't allow him to make any call. I'm sorry, please hold your ears if you are easily offended, but WHAT THE HELL DOES BORDERLINE MEAN!!!! And if there are so many freakin' borderline issues, why can't you put them together and call it something??!!??

So...next step is the sleep study (aka, a good night's sleep for me), and then I go to see Dr. Fee again on the 25th. I'm sure he's going to say that he cannot make any calls on anything one way or another right now and that he has run out of tests to do for now. That is fine and dandy with me; however, it's sad that it's literally going to take something BAD happen (aka, lost vision, loss of control in legs/arms, etc.) for someone to figure something out!

As of now, I am feeling a bit better. My fatigue and weakness has eased up to some degree. My eye twitching has also eased up to some degree, although I still am experiencing a lot of blurred vision. I'm left right now with that pesky burning stuff in my leg and neck, and it has now moved over to the top of my left arm. Blah! Also, I'm pretty certain that my bladder isn't functioning correctly, although I SO don't want to tell him that in the fear that he is going to send me to a Urologist!! Sorry to be so graphic, but I can tell that my bladder doesn't empty all of the way anymore...(leading to all of the stinking infections I've had despite killer antibiotics!). Grrrrr...THIS SUCKS!!!

But...I'm hanging in there, just like every other time. Don't get me wrong...I seriously doubt that Dr. Fee is going to ditch me or anything. He understands and acknowledges that there is something going on with me...he's just not able to prove anything right now. I suppose what he will say is to call him if/when I have another bad attack again so that we can repeat MRI's, etc.

Otherwise, we had a wonderful Easter! I completely blew my diet, but it's OK...those cheddar grits my aunt made were to DIE FOR! Got lots of cute pictures of the girls in their pretty little dresses. I'll post all about our day yesterday and post some pictures tomorrow...

Oh, and I lost 2.6 more lbs. at Weight Watchers...so I'm down a grand total of 5.8 lbs. now! Woohoo...yippee...yay... Why can't I snap my fingers and have 28 lbs. drop off???

OK, OK...Here's the Update! : )

2006-04-12T13:49:00.000-04:00

It's been a hectic week or so. Lots of good, bad, fun, aggravating things going on:

1. Tax season is drawing to a close...that means that I get phone calls at least once or twice a day from people saying "IT'S ALMOST TAX DAY...CAN YOU FIT ME IN???" Grrr... Don't get me wrong...we can CERTAINLY use the extra cash right now, but I just wish that people would look at their calendars every now and then. ; ) (Scale = Aggravating)

2. We had the extreme pleasure of having our good friends, Jamie and Jada, spend the night with us this past Friday night. We took the girls to see the Disney Princesses on Ice, and the show was FABULOUS! I even felt like a kid again!! I'll post some pictures of the girls and from the show as soon as I can. Maddie and Jada wore their Cinderella gowns and crowns to the show. The evening was wonderful, but it was kind of dampened by a severe storm that came through as we were leaving. Even THAT didn't dampen the spirits of the girls, though! (Scale = FUN!) The girls played together SO well, and Jamie and I just sat and talked and talked and talked, which was very fun.

3. This morning, I was driving along a little country road that leads to the highway, just listening intently to a song on the radio ("Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson - what a heartbreaking song!). Suddenly, I see lights flashing behind me! Where in the HECK did that stinking cop come from anyway?? So yeh...I get a stinkin' ticket! I was doing 54 in a 35 mph zone...he knocked it down to 45 in a 35, though. Guess he liked me. HA! Anyway, the sucky part was that I was the last in a line of 5 cars that were all going the SAME SPEED! I just happened to be last in line, so I got it. Oh well...I did it, so I have to pay...simple as that. I'm pretty sure I was framed, though. : ) The thing is that I wasn't even paying any attention to what speed I was going. Simple things like that don't occur to me anymore. My brain apparently melted out my ears while I was taking a shower at some point or something. Bah! (Scale = BAD!)

4. I get to get poked, prodded and SHOCKED on Friday. Not looking forward to that - EMG testing. The good part of it is that Phil told me that since he will be home with the kids, he wants me to go and get my hair done after the test. I'm going to get it cut and probably COLORED (for the first time since I was a teenager) because I'm getting really gray in the front on my hair. I have gift certificates to the salon and day spa, so I might sneak a massage in there, too. I DESERVE IT!! (Scale = Semi-Good day ahead)

In other news...my Mom is holding on with her Chemo cream treatment. Her face looks like it's burned badly, and it's pretty swollen in places. She ends the treatment, hopefully, on Friday, and she goes back to see her Dermatologist then. She is HORRIBLY afraid that they are going to tell her that she has to do the treatment for more weeks. (It's usually a 6 week treatment, but they are treating hers "aggressively" for 2 weeks.) Please just pray that she will be done at this point. I don't think she can take too much more of it - it's horribly painful for her, too.

My Dad's surgery is scheduled for May 2nd...please also pray that it would go as well as possible for him.

Finally...we have sent out 6 resumes so far for Phil...please pray that someone(s) might call him for an interview soon.

I'm doing OK...still lots of burning going on in my right leg, and now it's moved to the back of my neck. It's REALLY aggravating! I assume that Dr. Fee will UP my dosage of Neurontin since this theoretically should not be happening on this drug.

So that's it in a NUTShell. I'll post some pics of the girls as soon as I get a chance...

Dates, Times and Other Fun Stuff...

2006-04-06T12:55:00.000-04:00

Here are the dates of my upcoming tests and Neuro appointments:

April 16th - EMG testing at UK Hospital - 12:30 PM
April 21st - Sleep Study at Good Samaritan Hospital - 9:00 PM (all night)
April 25th - Appointment with Dr. Fee - 11:20 AM

These tests that I'm doing are to further rule out other problems. He wanted to reperform the EMG testing to be sure that there's no nerve or muscular damage that is causing the problems. (There's not...I've already been there, done that with this test). He also wants to rule out sleep disorders. So that means I just get a nice night's sleep without being woken by children. HA!

Overall, I seem to be feeling a bit better, yet every time I say that, something else happens. Right now, I just have some "minor" aggravations - mainly dizziness and a burning leg. My right leg has been BURNING like it's sunburned (it's not, of course)...but at the same time, it seems cold. Very weird sensation. Actually, it's gotten to the point today where it's pretty painful.

In research news...there's been yet another study linking Epstein-Barr Virus to MS. It states that people with EBV (aka, ME) have more than double the risk of a normal person to develop MS. I've always figured that anyway...

In FUN news...my good buddie, Jamie and her beautiful little girl, Jada, are coming to stay with us tomorrow! Our very first house guests at our new house!! We are taking the girls to the Disney Princesses on Ice show tomorrow night...we're going to dress the girls up in their Princess costumes and let them go in those. I'm sure they'll LOVE doing that! I'll let you all know how it was.

In kid news, just thought I would share the grown up thing that Maddie said last night. We were going to the grocery, and she kept trying to roll the window down. I rolled it back up and put the window lock on so she couldn't roll it down anymore. She keeps grunting and groaning before finally saying, "Oh Mom...I'm SO frustrated!!" Where does she get these things anyway???

That's it from here...better sign off...

A Tiny Splash of Good News...

2006-04-04T14:24:00.000-04:00

I told you all about the Home Staging and Redesign course I'm taking...well, I submitted my first unit of homework for grading (6 chapters of exercises) a couple of weeks ago.

Got it back yesterday - got an A!!!!!!!! And it said, "EXCELLENT!" next to the A!

YAY!!!!

On to unit 2 now...

What's Happening???

2006-04-03T14:44:00.000-04:00

I'm not liking myself these days too much. I don't remember anything anymore...I don't feel the same anymore...I can't lose weight like I used to anymore...things are just getting far more complicated. I want to be a kid again!!!

I am forgetting SO much, it's really scary. You know, I always had "Mommy brain" ever since my kids were born - forgetting things, wondering why I walked into a room, etc., but now it's become completely overwhelming. The latest fiasco is that I completely forgot about my friend's twin girls' birthday party. I even had the invitation taped to my fridge so that I could remember. I sat there on Saturday thinking that I had absolutely nothing to do, and then Sunday night at 9:30 PM...I remembered.

Tammy, if you're reading (and if you haven't completely abandoned me as a friend yet, which I would completely understand if you did)...I am SO sorry! I was SO looking forward to it...I just keep beating myself up because it's not like me to forget things like this.

*sigh*

In other {bad} news...Phil lost his job on Friday. It wasn't his fault, but I completely lashed out at him as if it were. His boss came in and told Phil that he had made more money than he (his boss) did last year. He couldn't afford to keep him around, so he's out. He did give him a nice little severance check, and he will be getting unemployment.

But what's happening? Why is everything going to HELL all of the sudden? My health is going to HELL! My parents' health is going to HELL! My husband's job and part of our financial well-being is going to HELL! Just when we get ahead financially, something always happens! WHY??

So I sit here a mess...I'm dealing OK, I think. (Do you think?? LOL!)

I started back to Weight Watchers the Friday before last. I need to lose 28 lbs. again. I did it the first time a few years ago in about 16 weeks...this time, it's gonna take awhile. I only lost 1.8 lbs. at my first weigh-in last week, and I was very disappointed. The last time I joined before I got pregnant with Mackenzie, I lost almost 5 lbs. of water weight at my first weigh in...so that's my point of reference.

It's just hard for me to exercise these days...I do what I can, but walking for long distances and at a high speed are out, and high impact aerobics are out. I've been walking as far and as briskly as I can, and I've been doing these dance aerobic things that have 10 minute intervals...I've worked my way up to 20 minutes on "good" days. Bleh! Let's not even talk about drinking water...

I don't know if it's stress or my "condition" or what, but today, my right hand and leg are on fire! You may remember that those are the two limbs that I've been having the most trouble with...they feel like they're sunburned, but of course, there's nothing there. Craziness!!

OK...let's talk positives for awhile:

My kids are grand! Maddie has been going to the potty so well lately. I'm so proud of her. My friend Jamie and her daughter, Jada, are coming over from Indiana this Friday to stay with us, and we are going to take the girls to the Disney Princesses on Ice show Friday night! I'm so excited!! It should be a lot of fun (for the girls AND us - heehee)! I'll be sure to post pictures...

Mackenzie is SO funny these days. Just her actions...the way she tries to play peekaboo and act sly, the way she dances so funny, the way she tries to act just like Maddie. She's a lot of fun!

Thank GOD for my girls!!

That's it from here...I promise to get my act together and stop complaining/whining so much. Something HAS to give eventually.

UGH! What next!?!

2006-03-29T11:16:00.000-05:00

There are SO many things going on right now...most of which are not very good. My family could use your prayers right now.

First of all, my Mom starts Chemo treatments in cream form on Friday for skin cancers on her face. Apparently, she has many places on her face, so she has to use this cream that will basically FRY the first few layers of her skin off. She's been told that she will look like she's been in a fire. She will use it for two weeks...I've heard that it's painful, and my kids can't touch her face in any way at all because it can be very toxic to them. So no hugs or kisses from Nana for at least two weeks. I know that my kids will go through Nana-withdrawals, and my Mom is already CRUSHED at the idea of not being around them much for two weeks. My thoughts...it's only TWO weeks...let's get it done and get her better!!

Secondly, my Dad is having surgery around the first of May on his neck. His spinal column has kind of deteriorated and is crushing down on the vertebrae where it's causing a lot of pain and discomfort. He will be down and out for 2-3 weeks then. Best part is....this condition is HEREDITARY!!!! Nice.

I'm an only child, and it makes me worry to see my parents going through these things. I know that these treatments and surgeries will help to make them better (God willing), but it's just hard not to worry. So if you will pray for them, I would be highly appreciative!

As for me, the Neurontin is a God-send. It's helped so much of my pain and has been wonderful. I'm still suffering from a lot of dizziness (not sure if it's Neurontin related or not) and my eyes continue to be SO jumpy. I guess I'm going to have to break down and go see an Opthamologist....but I don't WANNA!!!!!!!!! I've got a million doctors in my life right now, and I certainly don't want to add another to the mix! Grrrrrrrr.........

So...yesterday, I get a phone call from Karen, who is my insurance agent's wonderful, on top of things, secretary. She asks me if I switched my health insurance to another company. I told her no. She asks me if I received a letter from Anthem (my health insurance company)...I told her no. She then proceeds to tell me that she received a letter from Anthem saying that they TERMINATED my health insurance!!!!!!!! I got on the phone and called Anthem, and the lady said that they cancelled me for non-payment. I pulled up my bank information, which showed every payment that I had made online (including the most recent month's), and I faxed it over to them. I HATE health insurance companies!!!!!!!! HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!!!! I'm sure they are looking for ANY reason whatsoever to cancel me since I've been going through so much testing lately. They'd BETTER get my policy back up and running again, or God help me, I will find the worst, ugliest, ambulance-chasingest (is that a word?) lawyer I can find!!!!

Whew...I feel better for getting all of that out. It just seems there's no end in sight for the drama (eeek...I hate that word!). Maybe one day life will go back to "normal." But probably not...

What Else Can I Do But Laugh???

2006-03-21T12:32:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting here thinking of all of the silly things I've said or done lately. There's actually been A LOT! My mind is fraying daily...and it seems like I may never be restored to what I once was. So like the title of this post says, "What else can I do but laugh?"

Thought I would share a few of my "brilliant" moments of late with you. Heck, we can all laugh together!

1. I think of words to say, but they never come out right. For example, I was playing with Mackenzie the day before yesterday...she was hiding from me and acting silly. I thought...when she jumps out, I'm going to yell BOO at her and scare her first. She jumps out and I yell "BEE!" (This is only one example of literally THOUSANDS of words a day that I end up saying wrong.)

2. This is a constant habit...I make Maddie chocolate milk (of which the milk and the chocolate are both kept in the fridge). The chocolate, which is sitting right next to the milk on the counter, makes it back into the fridge...the milk does not. And it normally will sit there for an hour or better before I figure it out.

3. The other day I was tidying the family room. I had just changed Mackenzie's diaper, so I picked the diaper up, and at the same time, I picked up a book that was sitting on the floor. Threw the book away...laid the diaper on the counter. (See a trend here??)

4. Bought a baby gift at Elder-Beerman over the weekend. The cashier asked me for my zip code...I sat there with my mouth hanging open for about 10 seconds before I heard a male voice say "40383." Thank goodness for hubbies who realize what a dummy their wife has turned into! I certainly had no clue what a zip code was at that particular moment.

5. My very favorite thing that happens - I'll tell Phil or Mom or someone else..."OH! Guess what!" They, of course, say WHAT back, and I sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there thinking of what I wanted to tell them because I lost all track of what I was trying to say. I really DO forget...I promise! Makes them pretty angry, though! HA!

Well, those are just a few of the crazy things that happen to me on a daily basis...there are about a thousand more stories like this for every one that I listed here. Fun times! A lot of people say, "Oh, I do that kind of stuff all of the time." Well...I never did before, and if people do this as much as I do, we're ALL in big trouble! : )

Really...it's OK to laugh.

I need to talk about my friend...(Long)

2006-03-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

A lot has come out about Brian, my praise band friend who committed suicide. Actually, after hearing the information, I feel a tiny bit better about what happened, although that's just an ironic way of saying that.

Brian had been admitted to Charter Ridge, a mental health facility, a few weeks ago for his depression. He had been suffering from depression for a little while, and it was getting to the point where he just wouldn't get out of bed in the mornings. This depression started when he sold his business - a popular bicycle shop in Lexington. Apparently, he felt that he had made a big mistake by selling it. The apprehension over this just continued to double and double until it became full-fledged depression.

Never did he ever seem to be suicidal...just a guy who had turned 50 and wasn't sure where he fit in with his life. After leaving Charter Ridge, he was regularly seeing a counselor (every other day). He sought help ON HIS OWN. He knew that he was depressed, and he only wanted to find out how NOT to be depressed.

The doctor tried him on numerous medications. Exactly one week after changing his medication YET AGAIN, Brian hung himself in his home.

The day that Brian died, he had called a company about a job that he had interviewed for. He was told that he probably had the job, but the person that he talked to had to find out more information and told him that she would call him back that afternoon. She tried and tried and tried to call him back later, but no one ever answered.

The day that Brian died, he went and had a late lunch with his daughter, Kelsey...that was at 2:o0. His son, Nathan, came home at 4:00 and found him dead. He literally had only minutes to make that fatal decision.

I attended the viewing at the funeral home on Thursday night. I was completely overwhelmed to see hundreds upon hundreds of people coming through that door to pay their respects. I told my Mom, who was keeping my girls, that I would be back in "about half and hour." An hour and a half later, I left that funeral home. I stood in line for a LONG TIME to pay my respects, and I was so glad that I did. I remember saying to him in my head..."See how many people loved you? See how many people cared so much that they come in droves to stand in line for you?"

I was not able to attend the funeral because I was home by myself with the girls on Friday. I hear that it was an AWESOME funeral complete with beautiful music, which he would have loved, and a wonderful eulogy.

After the funeral, Jill, Brian's wife, told our preacher that she had found some paperwork on this last drug that Brian had been taking...it said:

"Do not leave this person unattended while taking this medication. May cause suicidal thoughts."

She. Never. Knew. No one, including the prescribing doctor, ever told her that he could not be left alone. A very tragic "mistake" (OMISSION) with horrible, horrible consequences.

Our church service on Sunday was.....I don't even know what to call it. Horrible, sad, emotionally draining, inspirational, time to heal...there aren't enough words to describe it. Marcus, our preacher, began the service asking if anyone wanted to talk about what happened. There was one couple there who somehow did not receive word of what had happened, and when told, they just broke down in tears. People talked, asked questions, got mad...and healed. We finally had some closure. Having answers helped tremendously.

I, for one, am so glad that this wasn't something that he contemplated for a long, long time, but rather it was something not right with his mind at a particular moment. I pray that God forgives him, and I pray that God will heal all of the hearts that have been broken.

Our church service went on with a discussion about how God and Jesus views grief. Then, the remaining members of our praise band got up and sang two songs, "Draw Me Close to You" and "Blessed be Your Name." We did not use microphones, we did not have drums or guitars, just the piano...we couldn't. At that moment, we let the sound of Brian's voice and his guitar play in our minds while we sang those songs. I couldn't make it through...I cried through it as most others in the whole congregation did.

We will go on...we will form another praise band, but we will always hear the sound of Brian's voice and his guitar playing on...

Please Pray...

2006-03-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not know...I sing in the praise band at our church. Well, our praise band leader, Brian Schuler, killed himself yesterday. We are all in complete and utter shock.

Brian was always a very fun guy and a talented musician. He was kind of intense, but he would always smile and cut up with you. He was a HUGE fan of classic rock music, and sometimes he would try to talk Marcus (our preacher and bass player in the praise band) into playing something like "Sweet Home Alabama" or some other classic rock song during the service. (Kidding, of course.)

I am very sad for his loss...needless, tragic, horrible. BUT, I am SO incredibly ANGRY with him!!! He killed himself knowing that his 14 year old son would be the first one coming home and that he would be the one to find him. Did this go through his mind before he killed himself? I don't know...I sure hope not. He has completely RUINED this poor child's life! How can you be the same ever again after finding your parent like that?? My heart goes out to his son Nathan who found him, as well as his mother, Jill and his sister, Kelsey.

Also, please pray for our church. There are only a few of us who know about this right now. Everyone else will more than likely find out on Sunday when Brian's not standing up there with us. I'm so afraid that this will just tear our church apart. I know that we are strong and will stand strong together, but this needless loss is going to hurt so many people...and if everyone's as angry as I am right now, then.....I'm just afraid.

I feel guilty...I really do. He had been experiencing some depression, and had recently sold his business. I think maybe there may have been some tension in his home, but NONE of us ever thought in a million years that he would do something like this! I just can't believe it!! I wish now that I would have reached out, sent a card, made a phone call, just said "I care." Anything. Maybe it would have helped...maybe it wouldn't have.

Please...if any of you are depressed or know anyone who is depressed, get help, reach out to that person, let them know that you care (or if you're depressed, realize that there ARE people who love you and care so much about you). You just never know how many people's lives you have touched.

Much love to you all.

Please pray....

Birthday update...sorry for its tardiness!

2006-03-15T10:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted about my birthday evening...it's been a very crazy, busy, sleepy, ugh-feeling week.

First of all...I've finally made my way up to 3 x 300 mgs of Neurontin a day. It has taken me all the way up until yesterday (literally) to get used to the stuff, but I can already feel its wonderous affects. The only pain I get now is very little amounts of pain after my pill has worn off. Really nothing to talk about, though. My jumpy, jerky muscles have gotten much better, too, on this drug!! YAY! My eyes are still giving me problems, and I'm still having some fatigue and weakness problems, but overall, things are much better. I never want to stop taking this stuff! : )

So back to my birthday...after work, Phil took me to Yamamoto's for sushi. We ordered so much sushi that they actually brought it out to us on this huge platter....and we ate every last bite of it! So good! We ordered the Lobster rolls, Man-O-War rolls (which have fried crab in them), California rolls (2 orders), and then I ordered individual smoked salmon, tuna and red snapper. (My mouth is watering thinking about it....)

After dinner, we went back home for my "surprise" party. I walked into the door, and Maddie came out and wouldn't let me go into the family room until she told me that she had a surprise for me. So I had to close my eyes, and she walked me in where her, Mackenzie and my Mom and Dad all yelled SURPRISE! She had "helped" Mom put streamers all over the table and walls, they had a balloon bouquet, a cake, and some flowers. It was all very sweet. Maddie was SO excited that she had put all of this together just for me (with Mom's help, of course).

Anyway, Phil and my parents both gave me gift certificates (totalling $75) to the mall! WOOHOO! I got another $25 in cash from Phil's mom in a card she sent. The girls got me a CD with various "hair band" songs on it, which I love!

The party only lasted about 30 minutes, but that was plenty for me! ; ) So I'm officially 31 now...fun times.

You just HAVE to see these flowers that Maddie picked out for me...I LOVE them! (They're still very much alive a week later, too!) Aren't they the best??? From my babies...

I Got Laundered Money for my Birthday!

2006-03-08T11:20:00.000-05:00

Really, I did! I got $25 in a card from Phil's mom. I put it in my jeans pocket and forgot about it. My jeans got washed, and WAHLAH! Laundered money...heeheehee! (Bad joke...sorry!)

Anyway, today is my 31st birthday. Saying that I was 30 was bad enough...now I have to say thirty-ONE. EEK! I feel like I should still be an 18 year old, but then again, my body says that I should be about 80. Nothing in that equation says that I should be 31. HA!

My Maddie is the sweetest little thing on the face of the Earth. All week long, my Mom has been telling her that my birthday was coming up, and every day, she keeps trying to tell me Happy Birthday. Well, this morning, when we woke up, I said, "Maddie, today is Mommy's birthday!" She responded with a very loud, cheerful, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY!!!!" I think that she was more excited than I was. She went on to tell me that I have to have a cake, some balloons, and those things that go on the walls (ie., streamers). Not sure that she was supposed to tell me all of that. Then I told her that Mommies don't get birthday parties because we're too old. She said, "You're not old, Mommy. You're new...because we live in a new house!" : ) LOVE...HER!

So Phil is taking me out for a sushi dinner right after we get off of work. I'm excited about that because as you may or may not know, I'm a HUGE sushi fan!!!! WOOHOO!! We get these lobster rolls that are just DIVINE!! Ahhh...my mouth is watering as I type. After dinner, apparently, I get a burfday party.

Oh, also, Maddie and Mackenzie had gotten me a card (well, Mom got it actually), and they drew all over it, put their little handprints on it, and put stickers all over it. Maddie was so excited that she had to give it to me first thing this morning. You know...I don't care if I EVER get a gift of any kind ever again. All I care to get is the little homemade pictures and cards from my girls. Melts my heart.

I started on my Neurontin on Monday night. Stuff threw me for a MASSIVE loop! I mean big time! Felt like I was on a 10-day drunk or something. I stayed really dizzy most of yesterday, but I slept like a log, though. No shooting electrical pains, no twitching or jerking...it was nice. I took the Neurontin an hour earlier last night, and I feel a lot better today. Right now, I'm taking 1 per day...then on Friday, I'll start taking it twice a day...then from Tuesday on, I'll be taking it THREE TIMES A DAY!! I've never had to take anything 3 times a day!!! As long as it helps take the edge off, though...I'll do what I have to.

I don't get to get out to visit people much these days between not feeling well, taking care of the kids, and taxes, but my best friend, Tabitha, came to visit me last night! She had to drop some things off, but she stayed for a couple of hours, and we got to talk and catch up while the kids played. I really enjoyed just sitting and chatting with her. Tabitha, I know you're reading ; ), so THANKS for visiting with us!!!!

I *think* that's it for now...it's been an eventful few days. I'll post tomorrow about how my not-so-surprise birthday party goes tonight!

I want a new drug...one that does what it should...

2006-03-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

Remember that Huey Lewis and the News song from the '80's?

Just telling you all the news that as of tonight, I'll be ringing in a new day in a Neurontin-induced stupor. HA! Dr. Fee just called me to tell me that he called in my prescription to the Pharmacy. YAY! Relief just may be in sight!

On Saturday night, I woke up at 1:00 am with a HORRIBLE pain in the right side of my head. It was similar to the "normal" pains that I have there, only this time, it radiated down my face, down my neck, all the way down to my chest. It hurt so badly, I thought for sure that I must be dying...or having a stroke, maybe.

I sat up for a little over an hour waiting to see if it would go away (nothing like waiting around in a possible emergency situation, huh?), but finally after increasing in intensity to where I thought my whole head and upper body would explode, it just went away...just like that. So strange! Now, I've suffered from migraines in the past, but this was NOTHING like a migraine...or really nothing like a headache even. Just weird. Hopefully the Neurontin will help get rid of some of this junk.

In other news...I cannot remember for the life of me if I shared my new career aspirations here. I think I did (home staging and redesign)? Well, I have started my training course, and I'm getting ready to send my first unit homework in for grading. I'm so excited about the whole thing!!! Just 3 more units to finish as well as some final coursework, and I'll be able to put IDDP after my name. Of course, I will be starting my own business as far as this is concerned, but I will not do it full-time until Mrs. Madden (God bless her) is no longer around. I made the promise to her that I would stay with her, and that's what I'll do. I can see this taking off to a bigger and brighter place in the future, though...

Otherwise, life is pretty status quo. Just living, doing taxes and hanging out with the family. Haven't really even done any scrapbooking for a week or so. Gotta change that! HA!

I'll write again tomorrow to tell you all how I feel ON drugs... : )

Well...No Answers...Yet...

2006-03-02T14:14:00.000-05:00

Saw the Neurologist today. Have I ever mentioned that I love this doctor??? Despite my diatribe yesterday about being at peace with whatever happens, I was pretty daggone nervous by the time I got there. So much so that my BP was 139/91!!! EEEKKK!!!

Anyway, he came in and told me that my MRI looked "OK" and that the only thing found on it was some minor arthritic looking something or another in my neck, but that was not causing my problems. He told me that he could tell a drastic change in my overall appearance between when I first saw him in December, then again in January, through today. He said that each time, he could tell that I was a little worse and a little worse...(uh...thanks!) Well, admittedly, in December when I saw him, I felt fairly good. In January and now, I really did get much weaker than I had been at that time. I was actually surprised that he could really tell that.

He said that my MRI results did NOT mean that he could rule out MS...MS is still unfortunately an option, but he said that he wants to run another gammet of tests - EMG, sleep study, etc. He wants to be sure we have covered every single base.

He looked at my list of "complaints" that I've been having, and he said that all of these things are perfectly "normal" complaints for someone in my condition. He said that he KNOWS that there is SOMETHING going on with me...and for that, I love him. Not because he's willing to commisserate with me or humor me, but that he honestly feels and sees that there is something not quite right. He even said that if he thought it was in my head, he would be the very first person to tell me so! THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS DOCTOR!!

Anyway, here's the plan of action. We will do a sleep study to be sure that it's not sleep problems that are causing me my grief (it's not...I promise...). Then we'll do the EMG to see how that goes. In the meantime, he's asked me to research a few drugs that might help ease my symptoms. The one he suggested was Neurontin which will help with my electric-type pains and with the jerking, twitching and spasms that I go through constantly. He also suggested doing an anti-depressant (to help with fatigue and overall well-being, not because he thinks I'm depressed), and another drug for Narcoleptics (again to help with fatigue), which he's less inclined to give. I think I'll definitely try the Neurontin...after all, it can't get much worse than it already is!

I asked him what happens if all of these tests come back normal...he said that we just keep on plugging away, one step at a time, until we find the answer. He said it may take awhile, but we'll figure it out. I also asked if I had a normal looking MRI now that it would be inclined to stay that way. He said not necessarily...sometimes it takes time for things to show. (*sigh*)

In the meantime, they took 13...yes THIRTEEN...vials of blood from me today!!!!! Oh...my....gosh! My arm is going to fall off!!! Anyway, he was rechecking all of my levels that he had tested before just to be sure that nothing has changed there.

The best part....somewhere between December and now, I lost 13 lbs!! When I first saw him in December, I weighed 161. Today I weighed 148! WOOHOO!!!!! Sadly, I don't have a big appetite these days, so I guess that's what's going on.

Anyway, thank you for all of your posts, e-mails, prayers and thoughts. We're still not where we need to be as far as answers are concerned, but at least now I feel HOPEFUL! That's a good thing to feel...

Tomorrow is THE day...

2006-03-01T11:38:00.000-05:00

...the day that I get my latest MRI results.

God has given me a wonderful gift this week, though...he has granted me this sense of peace like none I have ever felt before. I can almost hear Him saying, "It's OK...I'll see you through this." I feel like I am able to handle the situation no matter what the doctor says.

I have been praying so hard for so long that He would grant me mercy and not make me go through this without answers for a long time. I feel like He will keep his promises...

It's been SO wonderful to be able to sleep peacefully at night and not stay up all night obsessing over if I will have answers or not. It's been nice to go through my day concentrating (as much as my mind allows me to these days) on my work and not on wondering what's going to happen. It's been nice not being on the verge of an anxiety attack all week long.

I......HAVE.......PEACE. (Ahhhhhhhh.......)

In the meantime, things continue on as they have been. Same ol' stuff, different day. I stand up from sitting for awhile, and my right leg locks up. I get electrical shock feelings in the side of my head that make my eyes cross for a few seconds. I'm shaky and forgetful and clumsy and irritable. I twitch and jerk and ache and fall asleep any slight chance I get. Same ol' stuff, different day.

But have I told you lately how much I love my kiddos?? They are the true things that keep me going every day. Just to get Mackenzie out of her crib every morning only for her to give me the biggest baby bear hug I could get, and for Maddie to call me on my cell during the day just to say, "Mommy, how's your day today?" *sigh* It really doesn't get any better than this...

Sending out lots of love and hope and dreams to my good friends and my loving family who care enough to visit me here....

My MRI...I Did It!!!

2006-02-22T15:09:00.000-05:00

Had my repeat MRI this morning. I'm SO proud of myself!!! I made it through the entire thing without freaking out one time!!!

I was all ready to take someone's advice to ward off the clausterphobia and had a great CD picked out to take with me to listen to. In true ME fashion, what do I do? That's right...I left it laying on the counter at home.

I thought to myself I CAN DO THIS! So I marched myself right into that room, laid down on the table, squeezed my eyes shut, and started counting to 30 - about 900,000 times! Why 30? Not sure, but it worked. (Heck...think I'll be counting to 30 in my sleep tonight!)

There was one point at the beginning where I had to open my eyes because they were starting to hurt from being squeezed shut so tightly, and I almost started freaking out, but I quickly gathered my composure, took some deep breaths and started counting again.

After about 45 minutes, they brought me out, put the contrast dye into my vein and shoved me back in. I was surprised when they only did about 5 more minutes worth of scans after they put the dye in. I guess I thought that they would do the whole 15-20 minute series again after contrast was given. Oh well...it's not like I WANTED to be in there for another 15-20 minutes anyhow. Sheesh!

The only problem I had was that my whole body started twitching and jerking everywhere like I do anytime I lay down to relax. The lady kept telling me through the microphone that the scans were showing movement and that I HAD to be very still. I couldn't be still no matter how hard I tried, and actually it would get worse the more I concentrated on trying to stop it. I felt like yelling back at her - "HEY! You come try it! It's not exactly a walk in the park!!"

It's over...it's done. Now I just pray to GOD that I'll be able to get some answers when I go back to the Neurologist next Thursday...and that I won't have to do another MRI again for a loooonnnnggg, looonnnggg time!

Good Times, Sad Times, Fun Times, Bad Times...

2006-02-21T10:27:00.000-05:00

Wow! Have you ever just leafed through some of the blogs on Blogger? S-T-R-A-N-G-E!!!! Of course, someone coming upon my blog might think BOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGG, but I digress. HA!

First of all, my heart and prayers go out to my best friends, Tabitha and Tammy, and the rest of their family. They lost their grandmother - a very wonderful, beautiful, sweet woman - very unexpectedly on Sunday. I have been friends with them since 7th grade, and this loss is certainly felt in my heart as well. Tabitha and Tammy have had a rough year or so, and I just wanted to send all of my love to them today and let them know that I'm thinking of them.

In other news...of course, my repeat MRI is tomorrow. My goal is to work more after the test, so I'm going to ATTEMPT to not take any Valium. The results of that may just be disasterous - I'm just SOOOOOOOOO clausterphobic! My follow-up appointment will be on March 2nd - that's when I'll learn my fate...I mean, find out what the results are. If there are lesions found, I imagine my next step will be a Spinal Tap. If no lesions are found, I'm back at square one. This is one of those bittersweet things in life because while I do not WANT anything to be wrong with me, I know that there is, and so I only want answers and help now. It's not a matter of not wanting lesions to be found...it's a matter of wanting SOMETHING - ANYTHING to be found so that I can get treatment to feel better once and for all. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

In funny news, Mackenzie got new shoes. Why is this funny? Because she wants to wear them 24 hours a day! The first thing she does in the morning is get a bottle of milk. The second thing she does is run over and grab her shoes for us to put them on her. As soon as you put them on her, she starts doing this stomping kind of dance with her feet, and she just stares at her shoes. She loves them! I've never seen anything like it. Silly kid!

Maddie has been acting more and more grown up lately. She really cracks me up. On Saturday, I made her a hotdog and gave her some Chex Mix with it. She kept calling me "server girl" like I was her waitress. Anyway, I sat down across from her, and she looks at me seriously and says, "So tell me about yourself." I - CRACKED - UP. I made up some story about how I've been working too many hours on my feet, etc., and then I asked her to tell me about herself. She told me that she has lots of kids (I'm laughing...). I asked her if she had boys or girls and she says that she has 3 boys and 4 girls. (I'm laughing harder...) I asked her what their names were...she says, "Monna, Gonna, Connie, Ganafranamanga..." I didn't even hear the boys names because by this point, I had tears running down my face, I was laughing so hard. She was completely serious, too!

So later, I told her to tell her Daddy how many kids she had, and she said, "3 girls and 3 boys." I said, "Wait! You lost a girl somewhere along the way." She replies, "Oh, that was Angie...she fell in a hole."

That is my 3 year old, folks...no dull moments around my house! : )

Finally!!!!!!

2006-02-17T16:47:00.000-05:00

Don't have but a minute - getting ready for a tax appointment, but I finally got my MRI date after 5 weeks and numerous, numerous phone calls:

Next Wednesday, February 22nd at 10:45 am!!

MRI of the brain and cervical spine with and without contrast...

I don't like to tell people what to pray for, but if you are so inclined, please pray very hard not that nothing is found on the MRI, but rather that ANSWERS will be able to be apparent once and for all! I'm desperate here!

Thank you for all of your love and support...I will update as things progress.

Still No News...

2006-02-14T15:36:00.000-05:00

Nope...Nothing...Nada...

Apparently the people at this office have NO organizational skills at all - not that I do either. HA! Someone from the Neurologist's office called me on Friday just to tell me that someone would be calling me on Monday. How about that for fancy?? That had me laughing pretty good, I must say. (And of course, no one ever called yesterday...or today!)

I'm seriously considering calling and leaving a message for Dr. Fee to let him know that we're going on FIVE WEEKS that I've been waiting for an answer. Surely he doesn't know...does he? Surely he would be angry about the fact that they are being so slow about it all...right?

So hopefully I'll have a date to report soon...not holding my breath, though.

In the meantime, the fatigue has wore me down to the core. It seems to get worse and worse every day - almost back to the point of falling asleep wherever I am. I'm sure it doesn't help that Mackenzie has been waking up during the night for whatever reason. She's normally a PERFECT sleeper, but lately, she's been waking up SCREAMING. Guess maybe it's a new tooth or something like that...who knows!

That's about all that's going on with me...just been getting tax things together left and right, and the rest of this week is going to be full of tax appointments for me. Ahhhhh....I hate tax season! Guess what I'm thinking of getting into, though....HOME STAGING!! Have you ever watched either "Design to Sell" on HGTV or "Sell This House" on A&E? These are my absolute favorite shows, and I really, really want to get into doing something like that! I found a course that I can take to get into...I am really thinking about doing it. We'll see...

Oh, and RHONDA - if you're reading...I'll be waiting for ya in June, girl!!! WOOHOO!!!

I Met Adrianne (and other daily ramblings...)

2006-02-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

I've been SOOOOOOO busy lately. Meetings, deadlines, organizing, taxes, etc... Bleh, bleh, bleh!

I got to take a little break out of everything last night, though. My buddy, Adrianne, from the original online buddy group that I've been a member of for 4+ years, is in Lexington for a conference. The girls and I met up with her last night...we went to the mall to eat dinner and shop. It was REALLY nice to get to meet her. She is just as sweet and wonderful in person as she is on the board.

Of course, my children were HEINOUS acting the entire time. Maddie took quite a liking to her, though, and talked about her all night before she went to bed last night. Mackenzie did her usual song and dance - screaming at the top of her lungs every 5 seconds. Anyway, we had a fabulous time, and I hope that we get to meet again one day in the future.

The sweetest part of the night, though, was when Maddie told Adrianne, "I'm sorry I didn't get to play with your little boys," talking about her little ones, Logan and Cole, who had to stay behind in Texas. So sweet!

In the "health" department - still no word on the MRI date, and at this point, I don't think I could care any less. This whole waiting with baited breath thing is getting OLD - FAST! I'm tired of constantly questioning myself and wondering what the deal is. I'm tired of dealing with doctors and doctors' offices and health insurance and just everything in general! Why can't I just feel better and not to have to worry about any of it at all!?!

I think I've mentioned this before, but my arms have been "falling asleep" during the night no matter what position I sleep in. It actually wakes me up in the middle of the night, especially if I try to turn over or something...I can't even lift myself up, my arms are SO incredibly weak. This is getting worse and worse and worse all of the time, and it's fairly frightening.

Whenever Maddie comes into our room in the middle of the night, it takes a good couple of minutes for me to be able to help her up onto the bed. Even after that, they remain so weak and almost unusable...I don't know...

OK...that's it for now, I guess. Gotta get lots of things done this afternoon....

2006-02-01T14:04:00.000-05:00

So I thought I would share pictures of my bedroom...I'm kind of bummed because you can't really see much of the color on the walls. It's actually a light olive green color, and it's beautiful...wish these pictures showed it more. Oh well!

This is a picture taken standing by the bedroom door looking in. We are planning to put up a decorative curtain rod over the big window and then wrap sheer curtains around it (you know, like you see on HGTV - HA!), and then we are going to add some decorative pictures/paintings on the walls.

This is standing from the opposite side of the room. Please disregard my shabby bed-making skills. Same thing here...add a curtain rod with sheers on the window and add some pictures to the walls.

This is just my favorite corner of the room. The chair sits to the right of this picture (aka, the seating area). The picture on the wall is the Mother/Daughter picture I had taken with Maddie in white gowns when she was 3 months old.

In other news...I talked to my Neurologist's office yesterday. Still no word on the date for the MRI. The lady who does the referrals said that she cannot make an appointment until she has the notes for my file and that the dictation office is "very backed up." GRRRRRRR..... She said that she *should* be able to call me by the end of this week with the date. Then again, they told me that it would be 7 to 14 days after my appointment, and it's now day #18. Ahhh...the joys of University medicine!

Here's Some Pictures...

2006-01-27T11:15:00.000-05:00

First thing's first...I'VE LOST 5 LBS!!! YAY! I have got to get myself back in shape. I've been trying to drink more water, cut out my evening snacks (*sigh*), and I'm trying to work myself back up to working out again. It's hard since my arms and legs don't always allow me to do certain things, but I'm determined. Plus, I can't let that new home gym just sit up there, can I??

On the flip side, Phil has lost 20 lbs! He's doing far better than I am so far... ;) I'm proud of him!!
Thought I would share a couple of pictures of the girls.

This is a picture of the girls this past Saturday rooting on the UK Wildcats in their cheer-gear:

This one, I like to call, "I swear we're not eating the yellow snow!!"

In other news...STILL waiting on my MRI date!! Getting pretty aggravated about that. In the meantime, Phil and I are getting busy on getting the house fixed up. We're going to start painting our master suite tomorrow (not an easy accomplishment), followed by attempting to tackle the massive entrance/foyer. I'm not looking forward to that at all (it's a 2-story entrance). Wish I had the money to call someone to come do it for us....I'm scared of heights! I'm excited to get it all done, though. We've been in that house for 7 months now just staring at white walls, so it's time to get it done. I'll post pictures when we get it finished.

So it's going to be a FUN weekend between getting the rest of my payroll tax returns/W-2's/1099's out and painting. Weeeeeeee!

Second verse - same as the first...

2006-01-26T14:16:00.000-05:00

Here I am posting finally again after yet another illness...a bladder infection this time. YUCK!

Guess what - I just had one back in October. Guess what else - that was the cause of my major exacerbation back in October. Guess what else - do I really need to tell you how I'm feeling today? *sigh* It never ends!

I'm *STILL* waiting on Dr. Fee's office to call me back with my MRI appointment. They said to allow 7-14 days to receive the appointment date. Well, it's been 13 days today. Grrr.... I ain't getting any younger, ya know!!!

Things are really busy for me right now in trying to get year end payroll tax returns and W-2's/1099's out. I'm glad to be busy, of course, but I really do not feel like working right now. It's the least of my worries. I guess that clients pay me to do this stuff, though. Griping, however, will get me nothing!

The girls are both doing pretty well. Maddie is doing OK and is still enjoying her ballet class (and is going into it much better now, thankfully). She's recently discovered the land of board games (ie, Candyland), and now that's all she wants to do! She's a cheater, too!! Ha!

Mackenzie has had some Eczema pop up on her legs recently. It doesn't seem to bother her much, but it sure does look bad, poor baby. She's been so loving lately, which I just love! She loves to hug and kiss all of the time.

I have lots of cute pictures of them to share - playing in the snow, playing in their UK cheerleading outfits, etc. I'll be sure to download and post them in the next day or two.

Sick

2006-01-18T14:27:00.000-05:00

Yeh, so the stomach bug hit me hard. It showed up around 5:00 AM yesterday morning and stuck around all day yesterday. Thankfully, I feel better today...just a little icky still, I guess. I HATE throwing up!!!! :(

So far the girls haven't shown any signs of getting it. I sure hope they don't. I hate being sick myself, but I feel SO much worse when they are sick. Heartbreaking!

There's really not been anything for me to write about lately. Besides the normal song and dance, absolutely nothing has been going on. Phil and I stayed home literally all weekend, which was actually kind of nice. I'm so used to just run, run, running all weekend long. Normally I hate to just sit at home, but it's been SO nice to be able to get that extra R & R in since feeling so poorly.

That's about it, I guess. I still need to get some extra pics of my newest scrapbook pages to post. I *THINK* I'm getting much better at it now...heehee!

Hope you all are doing well!!

Another Stinking MRI!!!

2006-01-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

I saw Dr. Fee today. He seemed to be in a pretty bad mood today, but that's neither here nor there, I guess.

We just went through the same old routine that we went through back in December. I told him about my symptoms this time, he performed the clinical exam (aka, the "field sobriety test"), and then he set up a repeat MRI of the brain and cervical spine for me.

I was actually a bit surprised that he felt that another MRI was in order already. I just had one 3 months ago! Could there really be that much change in that amount of time?

The irritating thing is that he is sending me back to Lexington Clinic to have it done. That's where I had my first one done under Dr. Cooper. I really didn't like going there, but he wants me to do it there instead of at UK since they will be able to compare the first and second scans together. I do not have copies of the first scans, so therefore, Dr. Fee cannot be the one to compare them. Bleh! Whatever!

I know that it sounds crazy, but I almost hope that there is some kind of a change...that would mean that I could get some help finally! I think it just hit home today that this could be a V-E-R-Y long process - finding out a diagnosis, that is. I just can't even bear the thought of living, breathing, eating and sleeping in the midst of this crap for too much longer.

So I'll go do the MRI again in the next week or two, and then I'll go back to see Dr. Fee in 6 more weeks. And on, and on, and on, and on, and on........

WILL IT EVER END!?! Don't get me wrong...I'm glad to have a doctor that acknowledges my symptoms and believes that there is a problem. I just wish that I could snap my fingers and everything would be back to normal again.

Not Good...

2006-01-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

Not good at all...

I've fallen back into another exacerbation. The fatigue has returned with a vengeance as has the numbness, clumsiness and forgetfulness.

As for "new" symptoms this time around, my right hand is still giving me some problems, my left eye continues to be very jumpy (whether I'm exhausted or well-rested), and now my right leg has become VERY painful. I can't even really explain what's going on with my leg because I've never really experienced anything like this before. All I know is that I cried last night because it hurt so badly.

Crap! That's all this is - CRAP! I'm just so frustrated. I did bump my appointment with Dr. Fee up to this Friday at 10:40. Prayers for quick answers and help are greatly appreciated.

Have to go now...

Bleh! Just bleh!

2006-01-09T15:18:00.000-05:00

It's not been a good few days. I'm slipping back into the utter crappiness that is my health.

I'm feeling sluggish, tired, weak, and all the other fun stuff again after a big, long reprieve of a whole entire month! (read sarcastically...) I went to sleep around 9:15 on the couch last night, and when I woke up at 8:15 this morning, I felt like a Mack truck ran over me.

The big problem, though, has been my right hand. I can't use it very well anymore. For about a month (or more now), it's been very stiff and a bit sore...almost like arthritis only add a lot of clumsiness and lack of control to the equation.

Yesterday, we went to La Fiesta Grande (our favorite authentic Mexican restaurant) for lunch. I could not use my fork and knife and had to *TRY* to use my left hand to eat. I got so frustrated that I was fighting back tears! It's just so aggravating to not even be able to cut up your own food and put it up to your mouth with your fork! I feel like I should be 80 years old or something.

My appointment with Dr. Fee is on the 24th, but I'm seriously considering changing the appointment to sometime much sooner. Maybe then he'll be able to experience this along with me and be able to see what's going on.

Ugh...I can't even type anymore, so I guess I'll cut it short.

Exhaustedly yours...

Is it Tax Season ALREADY!!??!!

2006-01-04T11:19:00.000-05:00

UGH! The mere thought makes me ILL!!! TAXES! Didn't we just finish up from last year!?! Time flies when you're (not) having fun, huh?

I sat down last night to install all of my new 2005 tax programs on my computer last night. Very surreal. I've already been getting phone calls from my clients asking about preparing their W-2's and 1099's. It's good to have the work, I guess, but I'm sure not in the mood for it.

I have to stop complaining for a minute, though, and give my thoughts and prayers up for the families of the Miners who were lost last night in West Virginia. I can't imagine being told one minute that my loved one was alive and well...to feel that hope and excitement about having them come out fine and go back to living my normal life with them...only to have that DASHED a short time later with the news that the officials were "mistaken" - that my loved one was actually dead. My heart aches for each and every one of those people...especially the mothers who stood there holding their small babies in their arms. Babies who would never grow up to know their father. So sad...so tragic...so needless. I pray for peace for each and every one of those people.

Maddie and Mackenzie have both been sick with colds. I *think* they are starting to feel a bit better now, but bless their hearts, they've been the crabbiest two little girls in the state for about two weeks now! I have to count my blessings, though, that they are otherwise healthy and well. I swear, I love those two little monsters more than I ever thought possible! Even when they try my patience...I still smile and get teary-eyed when they are sleeping so peacefully with little smiles on their faces.

On MY homefront...things are status quo. My right hand still acts stupid, my right foot still acts, well, numb, and my left eye still jumps like a hurdler, but it's all part of the charm, I guess. I see Dr. Fee on Jan. 24th (did I already mention that before?)...hopefully, he'll be able to get a better picture of what's been going on.

I finished a 3rd scrapbook page last night. I haven't taken a picture of it yet, but as soon as I do, I'll post it here. It's a FALL page with pictures of the beautiful trees that were around here back in August and September. Turned out pretty good. I can find myself getting REALLY addicted to this scrapbooking junk, and I find myself picking up different pages and decorations in the stores anytime I find scrapbooking stuff. AAAGGHH!!! Help!

Hope everyone out there in cyberland is doing well! Thanks, as always, for being such wonderful, caring friends to me! You really don't know how much you are appreciated...

I'm a Scrapbooking Fool! snick

2005-12-30T15:34:00.000-05:00

It's been a day, let me tell ya!

It started out good - me and the girls met my best friends, Tabitha and Tammy and their kids, Austin, Natalie and Reece, for lunch. We hadn't been able to get together for some time, so it was nice to have lunch and catch up with them (thanks, ladies...let's do it again soon!). Of course, my girls' behavior left little to be desired at the restaurant. It only got worse after that!

I decided since I was near it, that I would stop by Mountains of Memories, a scrapbooking store in town. There is so much there to look at, but Maddie and Mackenzie just kept RUNNING through the store, and no matter what I did to try to correct them, it just got worse and worse. Needless to say, I didn't get to stay very long. I did wind up leaving with $28 worth of stuff, though, somehow...heehee!

I'm feeling really *tired* today. My arms are feeling somewhat weak again, and it's been difficult trying to type or do tedious things with my hands. Pretty frustrating, but what can I do? Trying to carry Mackenzie around was difficult, too, which is mainly why she was running around the store to begin with. *sigh*

BUT...in better news...I did finish my SECOND scrapbook page, which is quite a bit better than the first page was. Here it is:

Of course, I still have lots to learn, but it's a start. I thought it turned out pretty cute anyway...

Oh, and since I couldn't upload it on my last entry, here's the picture of Maddie and her new Dora motorized ATV:

Finally, I got a letter in the mail saying that my next appointment with Dr. Fee set up - it's January 24th at 10:00 AM. Please just pray that he will be able to see first hand what's been going on with me so that we can finally come up with a game plan.

That's it from here...I hope that you all have a wonderful, safe New Years Eve! I truly hope that 2006 brings wonderful things to all of you, my dear family and friends!

'Twas the Week After Christmas...

2005-12-28T14:41:00.000-05:00

...and all through the house, everything was a such a mess that there was not even room for a mouse!

We had a VERY nice Christmas! Hope yours was just as wonderful.

On Christmas Eve, we had Phil's mother's side of the family over to our house for finger foods and gift opening. On Christmas morning, we opened our presents together as a family. Then my Mom and Dad came over for breakfast, and we opened presents with them. Next we went to my Aunt Jane's house to have lunch with my Mom's side. Finally, we went to Phil's Dad's side for dinner. It was a VERY busy two days, but we had a really good time with everything.

Santa was very good to Maddie and Mackenzie this year! (A little too good if you ask me...)

This was Maddie's loot from Santa (a Disney Princess TV and DVD player and telephone, a Bella Dancerella set, a Cold Nose Puppy, a Bratz Big Baby doll, a Cinderella doll, the Littlest Pet Shop, and some Bratz Fashion Plates):

This was Mackenzie's stuff (a Learning Toolbench, a Boohbah, a Wiggles Accordian, a Little Touch Leap Pad, a Little Mommy baby doll, and some creepy Barbie animal set):

Other things the girls got were clothes, Weeble Treehouse playset, Elefun game, a crocodile piano, dolls, Barbies, Legos, books, etc. But THIS was Maddie's big gift from Grammy and Papa Bill (Phil's mom and step-dad) - OK...can't get the stinking picture to upload!! Grrr...anyway, it's a Dora motorized ATV that Maddie and Mackenzie can ride on. It's pretty cool, but Maddie isn't too sure about it yet.

I also had a really good Christmas! Phil got me a sealbelt handbag (the dark brown clutch that I wanted), some CD's, a carrying case and optical mouse for my new laptop, some clothes, and lots of scrapbooking stuff.

I've been wanting to get into scrapbooking for awhile now, but I just haven't had the time or the know-how to do it. He got me a starter kit, an album, some extra album pages and some other accessories (tape, pens, etc.). I did my first page the night before last and I realized that I'm HORRIBLE at it! (I guess it's not TOO bad for my first try, but I have a lot of work to do!)

I think I'm not very good at it because, #1, I'm not all that creative, and, #2, my hand/eye coordination isn't what it should be. Makes it kind of frustrating when I'm trying to cut little circles out of paper...oh well...maybe I'll get the hang of it soon.

Anyway, it was a fun time for us all. I have continued to feel pretty decent except for Christmas Eve and Day...I guess where I was on my feet and made myself so overtired, I was very stiff for those few days. Getting to rest a lot on Monday helped quite a bit to get me back on my feet again, thankfully. My left eye has been giving me trouble and has been really jumpy for about 2 weeks now. I saw an Optometrist (should have went to see an Opthamologist...oh well), and she said that my eyes looked fine and that the jumpiness could be from just being tired, but I've had plenty of rest for the most part over the last couple of weeks, but it just continues...guess if it keeps on for another week or so, I'll go get it looked at by an Opthamologist. It's incredibly annoying!!!

Well that's it from here. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!!

It's Almost "The Big Day!"

2005-12-21T14:22:00.000-05:00

Oh, I have so much to do!!! Finish wrapping gifts, get the girls' toys out of layaway, go food shopping, clean the house, make the food, etc., etc.

We're having Phil's Mom's side of the family over to our house on Christmas Eve. I'm hoping that I will be fully up to it after I volunteered to host! I've been having MANY very good days in a row for a little over a week now, so I guess everything will turn out well.

Yes, so apparently, this exacerbation is over and done with - YAY! I still have quite a few "glitches in my system," but they are all very managable.

My DUH story for this week is that I woke up yesterday morning, and my eyes were flashing! (Flashing in the eyes can be a symptom of MS.) I became very upset because I thought that something else was happening after I had been feeling so well...I kept opening and closing my eyes and squeezing them tight trying to get it to stop, but the flashing continued. I was just getting ready to turn over and ask Phil if he saw it, too, or if it was just my eyes, and suddenly, I heard the school bus pull away from the street behind our house (the buses have those stinking flashing lights on them...). DUH! In one respect, I was elated to realize that it wasn't my eyes at all causing that, but in a different respect, I felt SO completly idiotic...I just have to laugh, though.

Anyway, things are just busy as ever with Christmas literally peeking into the door. My Mom hosted my Dad's side of the family at her house this past Sunday for a Christmas get-together...that was strange. (We do not talk to that side much anymore due to something that happened many years ago...however, my Dad still loves his family even though they treat him like crap! I was SO happy for his sake and my Grandmother's sake that everyone showed up and got along.) My cousin on that same side of the family came over to our house on Monday night with her two kids - Dustin (3) and Savannah (1) - so that the kids could play together and open their gifts together. That was really nice, and it was great to catch up with Elizabeth after having not seen her for a long time.

So fast forward on to now...just getting things done and looking forward to my kids having a very wonderful Christmas! Hopefully their old Mom can keep up this go-round...

The Comments Section is Fixed

2005-12-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

Hey! A few of you have tried to send comments...(I got the ones that were e-mailed to me - THANKS, Rhonda and Melissa)...anyway, it should be fixed now. Somehow the setting got changed...don't know why.

As always, thank you all for checking in on me! I really appreciate everyone's concern and support!!

Love to you all!

I Have a New Neurologist...

2005-12-15T15:58:00.000-05:00

...and I love him! I actually saw Dr. Fee along with a student doctor, Dr. Chambers. They are at the University of Kentucky clinic - it's a teaching practice, which is why Dr. Chambers was in there with us.

Dr. Fee started out by going through lots of questions asking me if I had certain symptoms. I appreciated this because I have a difficult time trying to remember everything to tell him. We talked a lot about the things that have been going on with me lately. He performed the clinical exam (pushing on muscles, pricking feet with needles, etc.), and everything seemed OK except for that cruddy numbness in my foot. It would figure that I went into this appointment feeling much better than I have been. My symptoms have seemed to be remitting over the last week or so.

He said that it was OK...that happens, but he told me to come back in 6 weeks to see how I was doing at that point. He also asked me to go ahead and see an Opthamologist to have my eyes checked. I haven't had my eyes checked for a year or two, so he wanted me to have that done (an Opthamologist can look for Optic Neuritis which is somewhat common in MS patients).

He sent me to the lab to have bloodwork done and to do a 2 hour Glucose test for Diabetes. The reasoning for that is that a normal stick test checking blood sugar isn't as reliable as the Glucose Tolerance Test, and he wanted to be able to rule Diabetes out completely.

One thing that was strange is that he said that Dr. Hutchinson had asked him to check me for ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). I was surprised that he even asked him to do that. Of course, the doctor said that I DEFINITELY do not have that! He said that he could NOT rule out MS, though, but that he could not definitively say that it is MS until we get further testing pointing to it. Right now, it will be a wait and see game to be determined when I go back (if I'm feeling better, worse, etc.).

Overall, I'm very pleased. I'm happy that he took me very seriously, he did not downplay any of my symptoms, and he was a very good listener. He even got a kick out of the STRESS thing...I told him that Dr. Cooper (the former Neuro) had told me that my symptoms were probably caused by stress, and he laughed and told Dr. Chambers, "If there is one thing I want you to learn today, it is this...EVERYONE has stress...boys, girls, men and women. I wish that doctors would quit calling everything stress related because if every symptoms we have is stress related, then we're ALL in big trouble!" I was so glad to hear that! That means that he 's not going to brush me off and say that I'm too stressed (which I'm certainly not).

One thing that happened to me today...I was sitting in the lab waiting to have my blood drawn for the 2 hour Glucose test, and this woman wheeled this little boy in this wheelchair and sat down by me. The little boy was wearing a helmet, and I immediately assumed that he had Spina Bifida or something like that. The little boy was SO friendly and kept saying hello to everyone who passed. I started talking to him and was asking him about what he wanted for Christmas. After talking to him for a bit, the Mom told me that he had been hit by a car while Trick or Treating back in October. I remembered seeing the story many times on the news...at the time, I remembered praying for the little boy and hoping that he would make a full recovery. And here he was sitting next to me! I felt SO blessed to be able to meet this boy, not only because of seeing his story on the news, but also because he was just such a bright, shining light! He was SO happy! He just talked and laughed, and you could tell that this little 6 year old boy who had just a few months ago been running around with his little friends and now sat still in a wheelchair was SO full of life and love and peace. I feel like I received a very special gift from God today...to know that no matter what I go through there are a thousand little Hunter White's out there who go through something far worse and have such a perfect, wonderful outlook on life still.

His Mom told me that he will get to leave Cardinal Hill (the rehabilitation hospital) and be home just in time for Christmas! I truly hope that he will go on to live a very long, happy and wonderful life. Will you please pray for this little boy? He has touched my heart more than I can even express here.

Weird Day!!

2005-12-15T15:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was one of the strangest days I've had in a long, long time.

First of all, I got to Ms. Madden's house, and there was no electricity. Add to that, all of the stoplights for a two mile stretch were out...the gas stations were roped off and closed...the restaurants were closed. Someone had hit a electrical pole and knocked out the electricity to the whole area. I got to her house at 9:30, and I finally left at 2:00 because it was so freezing cold in her house! It was almost like Armaggedon or something...just a strange occurance.

Before I left, her Carbon Monoxide detector started going crazy...I would assume it was because the battery was running out, but I couldn't be certain. THEN my Mom calls and says that there is heavy smoke in my garage and my fire alarm is going off! Apparently, something got caught in the dryer...that's my only guess, at least. Everything was OK with that after she turned off the dryer and opened the garage door (our dryer vent comes out in the garage).

Just strange...every minute of the whole day!

Maddie and Mackenzie are both sick with colds and have not slept well the last 3-4 days, except for last night. I guess that they were so tired from being awake the last few nights that they slept right through last night. I woke up at 5:00 am, realized that I hadn't heard from either of them, and got up to check to see if they were OK. At least I finally got some much needed rest...we'll see what tonight holds.

Merry Christmas?? Bah-Humbug!

2005-12-12T11:50:00.000-05:00

We had a decent weekend. Stayed home and relaxed on Friday night...as much as I love to run around, it sure has been helpful to me to just stay in and rest as much as possible.

Saturday night, we took the girls to Southern Lights - a big Christmas light display that the KY Horse Park puts on every year. The girls really enjoyed it, and so did the grownups...UNTIL...

They had an indoor display after you drove through the lights. There was a craft fair, entertainment (singers), a toy train display, Santa, etc. Well, it was a MESS - there were hundreds if not thousands of people stacked one on top of the other in this place. That event made me realize that this world has become SO incredibly MEAN!

I had Mackenzie in her small umbrella stroller, and I was trying so hard not to run over anyone. Every time I did run into someone, I always tried to apologize, and most people were very gracious about it. Well, there was this one lady who walked right out in front of me, and I ran into the side of her leg. I was getting ready to apologize to her, and she says, "Oh excuse me...no wait...excuse YOU!" OH....MY....GOSH! I have NEVER in my life been so appalled!!! Of course, I didn't say excuse me to her after that. I actually had a few other choice words for her but decided not to use them since my kids were right there. ; )

And THEN...we finally made our way to the elevators to go downstairs. When the doors opened, there were a lot of people blocking the way, so it made it difficult for us to get out of the doors. There was an older woman waiting to get on the elevator, and she looks at us and says, "Well, are you gonna get off or what!" There was no where for us to go!!!! RUDE! Just RUDE people everywhere! I've never been so disheartened in my whole life!! It was like a whole room full of Scrooges. We only stayed about 10 minutes before deciding that it was not any fun...and that was 10 minutes too long.

Sad...very sad...I remember when people used to be happy and excited about Christmas coming. People used to smile at other people, and everyone was nice to everyone. Maybe it was just my naivety as a child?? I like to think not...

Oh well...Maddie is really sick right now. She has a really bad cold that makes her cough and cough. The coughing, in turn, makes her throw up. Poor thing... Mackenzie stayed awake literally all night talking to herself. Not sure what that was about. She would sleep for 1/2 hour, talk to her self for 1/2 hour, sleep for 1/2 hour, talk to herself for 1/2 hour, etc. I'm very serious! It's funny now, but it wasn't at the time. I guess she must be getting ready to hit another milestone.

Yesterday, I felt really, really good! Energetic, good mood...I almost hate to tell about it because I always jinx myself when I do. It was nice to feel good again, though. We'll see what tomorrow holds...

It's Been a "Fun" Few Days

2005-12-09T14:43:00.000-05:00

So you should know that I'm being completely sarcastic when I say this. It all started on Tuesday. Over the course of the day, I began having this sharp pain in my lower right side. It did not go away, and of course, I woke up with it on Wednesday as well. Over the course of the day on Wednesday, it continued to get worse and worse. By Wednesday evening, my pain level was at a 9, so I headed for the Emergency Room.

I didn't think that it would end up being anything very serious, but I wanted to be sure that it wasn't Appendicitis or something like that. At the ER, they gave me a shot of Demerol, took blood and did x-rays. My blood work showed a slightly elevated white blood cell level, which the doctor said really wasn't of any concern. My x-rays, however, showed a bowel blockage...wonderful. At first, I was like HOW IN THE WORLD because I hadn't been having any problems in "THAT" respect. But then, I remembered that bowel disfunction is a symptom of MS, so I mentioned to the doctor that I had been undergoing testing for MS. He responded with, "Ohhhh...that makes sense." He said that he, of course, was not diagnosing me, but he said that he sees this kind of thing quite often with MS patients, and he went on to explain how the brain in an MS patient messes this stuff up, basically. Anyway, I was not very pleased when he sent me home with a bottle full of Magnesium Citrine to drink, but I am "pleased" (for lack of a better word) that I will be able to add this to my list of symptoms to present to my new Neurologist next week.

So here's my "stupid" story for the week. Yesterday, I stayed home partially because of my ER visit the previous night, and partially because there was ice/snow that fell. I decided that I'd better get some food into the house, so me and the girls went to the grocery store first thing yesterday morning. We get back home, eat lunch, and it was time for Mackenzie to take a nap. Guess what - no pacifier!

I looked all over the house and in the car before I realized that she had it at Kroger. SO...I packed the girls up in the car, drove them BACK to the store (in the ice storm, mind you), and proceeded to retrace our steps looking for the stinking thing, asking every employee that I saw along the way if they'd seen it. Of course, no pacifier anywhere.

To make a long story short, I'm the worst Mom ever! I let my child lose her pacifier because my brain does not process itself enough to even think that she might not have it and I'd better find it because she won't sleep otherwise. I brought them back home and put Mackenzie down for her nap...she picked up every stuffed animal in her crib looking for it, and every time she would pick one up and Pi-Pi wasn't there, she would pucker up and look at me as if to say, "HOW COULD YOU!!!" I cried. I was sad. More than that, though, I was TIRED after two trips to the grocery store. I'm paying for THAT today.

She's OK...yesterday was kind of rough on her, but today is better. She needed to get rid of that thing anyway. I was just hoping that it wouldn't have to be as TRAUMATIC as it was for her, though. Geez, I feel like a crum...

Just Some Chatter

2005-12-07T11:31:00.000-05:00

OK...I don't even know how to start this blog today. I'm tired. I want to go home and crawl onto the couch with some hot tea and a nice blanket to watch Gone With the Wind or something.

But NO! There's too much to do. I have to take Mrs. Madden to the doctor today (in my continue quest to become a Nurse - read this very sarcastically). Nah! I'm being grumpy...I really don't mind helping. I'm just tired. Anyway, I have to take her to the bone doctor to have her foot checked to see if her cast can come off anytime soon. Then I have to take her to pick out her Christmas tree. *sigh* And it's a whopping 25 degrees today!

Phil went to the doctor this morning...he has high blood pressure and is required to start on medicine for it. I think we both need to be taken out back and put out of our misery!

In happier news...it's parents night at Maddie's ballet class tonight! I'm so excited! My Mom and I are going to go...we get to watch them do everything they have learned so far. Should be interesting...I'm taking bets on if Maddie participates or if she stands there with her arms crossed the whole time.

Maddie, recently, has started missing me like crazy during the days when I'm gone. Makes me happy to know that she misses me, but at the same time, it makes me sad that I can't be there with her all of the time. There is a little breakfast song that comes on Nickelodeon in the mornings, and she and I always sing it together before I go to work. Well, yesterday I was already gone when it came on. Mom said that Maddie started to cry and told her that her Mommy needed to be home to sing it with her. Ahhhhh...breaks my soul!

Mackenzie is a handful to beat all handfuls! She's a little monkey, I tell ya! Always climbing, screaming, trying to run, etc. She's fun, but she's LOUD! Recently, whenever she bumps her head on something, she'll come running over to you to kiss her head. And she LOVES her big sister!!! Whatever Maddie does, she wants to do, too. Wherever Maddie goes, she wants to be right with her. It's really sweet!

I'm doing OK...hanging in there. Just looking forward to my appointment with Dr. V next Thursday. I have this feeling, though, that I will end up feeling perfectly fine when I go...it's Newton's law, isn't it? I'm feeling stronger today than I have in the last few days, though.

That's it from here, I guess. Nothing too exciting going on. Of course, tomorrow is another day...

The Saga Continues

2005-12-05T13:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated this blog in FOUR DAYS! Shame on me!! There's a perfectly "good" reason...I've been down and out - BIG TIME!

I'm not certain if it was the bath I took on Thursday night that may have been a bit too hot or the walk around the mall on Friday (or both), but I have been bad, bad, BAD ever since! Severe arm and leg weakness, dizziness, fatigue, etc., etc. It got so bad that by Saturday night I couldn't even put thoughts together. I would look at something, and it would literally take me 5-10 seconds to register it in my head what I was looking at! Scary stuff, let me tell ya! We stayed in pretty much all weekend, so I took that time to try to rest and get better.

Today, I feel somewhat better, but I am still having a lot of trouble with the weakness. Last night I took a shower, and after the shower, I had sat down on the floor to find something under my sink. Phil had to come and lift me up off of the ground because I couldn't even roll over on my hands and knees to push myself up!

I guess the best way to describe how I've been feeling is - well - you know how you feel after you've been REALLY sick with the flu or something like that for a week or more? You start getting better so you get out of bed for the first time in what seems like forever? You know that "I have to drag myself to the bathroom, yet I'd better sit on the edge of my bed for a minute before getting up so that I don't fall over" feeling you have at that point? THAT's how I have been feeling only multiply it by about 10 times.

I've noticed, too, that my arms and legs "go to sleep" a lot quicker and for no apparent reason lately. You know the expression "pins and needles?" Well, it's more like "daggers and hyperdermics" for me. SOMEBODY PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!

I just continue to hold out hope that Dr. V is going to be able to help me. He has to! Who else can!?!

I keep trying to remind myself that I cannot do the things that I've been able to do before. I can't walk around the mall for hours at a time anymore. I can't run up and down the stairs 15 times in an hour anymore. I can't take hot baths or showers anymore. Heck, half of the time I can't even THINK anymore.

Something's gotta give.

Appointments, Christmas and Haircuts, OH MY!

2005-11-30T10:52:00.000-05:00

So after calling my doctor's office (MYSELF!), I finally have an appointment with the specialist. It is December 15th at 9:00 am, BUT they set me up with some doc named Dr. Viashniv - he's a partner of Dr. Kausaukis. I was kind of aggravated about that at first - they said that Dr. K didn't have any appointments open until the beginning of February. Well, I looked Dr. V up on the web, and he seems to be just as good qualification-wise as Dr. K. He's also a MS Specialist who is involved in research, so I'm OK with seeing him...I guess.

So here are some of the pictures that I promised. We'll start with pictures of the girls' haircuts - Maddie's 3rd and Mackenzie's 1st.

First, this is Maddie after she got her hair cut and styled. She looks like a little woman: *sob*
This is Mackenzie starting out her haircut...not quite sure about what's going on:
I had to post this picture because I thought it was so funny! Chuck, the hair stylist, gave the girls suckers to get them to sit still. As you can tell...it worked: Mackenzie post-haircut with a silly, sticky sucker face:
OK...here come the Christmas decorations. First, this is the landing (taken from the top of the staircase) - you can see the tree out the top window outside - these are only about 1/200th of my snowman collection - I have a ZILLION of them, but can't put most of them out thanks to certain little busy fingers:

The house lit up at night - it really needs more, but I guess it's OK for now:

The house during the day - there are wreaths on all of the windows and over the lights on the garage, but you can't see them all that well in the picture:

Entrance - bottom of stairway:

Entrance - top of stairway:

Our poor Christmas tree - still without its ornaments (well, except for the one in the center of the tree that Maddie likes - it plays peek-a-boo! HA!) The tree itself is actually FAR bigger than it looks in this picture:

So that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

I Did It!! The Christmas Tree is UP!!

2005-11-29T11:15:00.000-05:00

I dreaded it...I hated the idea...I thought about not doing it at all...but it's DONE! That stinking 9 ft. HUGE Christmas tree is up and shining gloriously!

Phil brought most of it downstairs from the attic, and both of us worked for a few hours at getting it put together. It went a bit faster than I thought it would and didn't wear me out nearly as much as I thought it would.

We've only got the multi-colored lights and gold beads on it so far. I'm still debating on whether or not I want to put the ornaments on. Mackenzie is all hands these days, and she's making enough trouble trying to pull the beads off as it is. I guess I could put the ornaments far enough up the tree where she can't reach them, but that'll look pretty funny, huh? I might give it a try...Maddie has some new ornaments that she really wants to put on there.

After it's all done, I'll post pictures of the decorations and post them here. New house, new decorations...I'm getting a *little bit* excited now!

I'm STILL waiting on my stinking doctor's office to call me back regarding my appointment with the Specialist. It'll be a week tomorrow that I've been waiting for the date. Last time, it took them a whole week to call me back, but that's after I called them 15 times myself. Guess I'm going to have to get on the phone again today. I shouldn't HAVE TO!!!!!! Grrrrr... (I do a lot of Grrr..ing these days, don't I?)

Guess that's it for today...the temperature went from 70 yesterday back down to 45 today. Sheesh! I wish it would make up its mind. It's wreaking havoc on my allergies!! You know what they say about the weather in Kentucky....stick around and it'll change.

Limitations? What Limitations?

2005-11-28T10:09:00.000-05:00

So here's the part where I complain about my long weekend. You knew it was coming! You know, I have to document all of this so that I can talk to my doc about it. Ehh...it's my journal...I can cry if I want to! (Ugh! Now I'll be singing that song all day...)

Thanksgiving Day, I woke up feeling pretty good, but then I started rushing to get dressed and get the girls dressed. I got a bit stressed and pretty overheated (literally), and next thing I know, I'm stiffer than a board! I make it to my family's OK, only I try to hide the fact that I can't move. I went to sit down at one of the tables, and the first thing my uncle says is, "Melissa, are you limping?" DRAT!!!! How am I supposed to answer that? "Well, Uncle Steve, I'm a bit stiff due to overexertion because I may be suffering from Multiple Sclerosis or some other Autoimmune Disease. Please do not ask me anymore questions." (No, I did not say that!) I simply said, "Uh...just not feeling very well today." Thankfully, he left it at that.

I got lots of other questions from other family members, too. Apparently, I wasn't doing a very good job at hiding how incredibly FRUSTRATED and EXHAUSTED that I was. And it seemed like the more I tried to hide things, the worse it got. I just could not walk - pure and simple!

Fast forward to yesterday...got up, got dressed (at a MUCH slower pace, thankfully), went to dinner, did fine, came back home, started digging out the rest of the Christmas decorations, helped Phil hang the lights, pulled out even more Christmas decorations, decided AGAINST putting the tree up last night, put the girls to bed, collapsed on the couch, immediately fell asleep, woke up to Phil shaking me telling me to go get in bed, threw up, went to bed.

Yes, I said that I threw up. Well, apparently I overextended myself a little too much yesterday. I felt fine all day, but once Phil woke me up to - well, go back to bed (haha!!), I suddenly felt as if I was so completely and utterly EXHAUSTED that my body could not even carry itself up the stairs. I somehow made it upstairs, threw up, and went to bed. At the time, I was thinking, OH GREAT, now I have a stomach bug on top of everything else. It wasn't until this morning that I realized that I feel completely fine (as far as my tummy is concerned) and that it was only complete EXHAUSTION that made me sick. Today I am horribly stiff still, but no more sickies...

The part that irritates me is that had this been 6 months ago, yesterday would have been a completely normal day for me as far as activity is concerned. Now I have ------- LIMITATIONS.

So now the tree looms over my head. Heck, it might take me two weeks to get our 9 foot Christmas tree up and decorated, but it WILL get done. *sigh*

RANT. OVER. (For now...)

Did YOU Eat Too Much Turkey?

2005-11-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

Brrrr...it's cold!!!! It didn't waste any time getting cold either. Seems like it went from 60 degrees to 30 in one day's time. No fall hardly anymore...and that's my favorite time. Figures! (OK...I wrote this first part on Friday, and it's now Monday, and guess what...it's 70 DEGREES AGAIN!!??!! Geez!)

We didn't go mall shopping on Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year. We did, however, go to a Christmas Crafts show that we always go to. I didn't buy anything this year...the first time I've ever left empty-handed. Everything was WAY overpriced this year for some reason. Grrr...

Thanksgiving Day for us was pretty good - the deep-fried Turkey was absolutely THE BEST! Lots and lots of really good food - did I mention the cheese grits?!? Mmmmmm....Oh, and did I mention all of the desserts? Pumpkin pie, pumpkin rolls, banana pudding, cakes, apple pies.... Yes, I ate a lot. I admit it, and I'm proud of it, daggone it! Haha!

We had another Thanksgiving dinner yesterday at Phil's grandmother's house. That woman is 80-something years old, and she STILL makes enough food to feed a 100-man military unit all by herself! And oh my, can she cook! I didn't get to eat too much there, though, because I was too busy chasing after my dear children trying to make sure that they didn't break anything in Granny's house.

The girls had fun playing with their little cousins, though. All of the kids (6 total, including my girls) played outside in the leaves quite a bit, and they had SO much fun. Phil's cousin would rake up the leaves into a big pile, and the kids would jump right into the middle of them before he even finished. Then he started burying them under the leaves and they would jump out of them and scream and laugh. It took me back to my childhood, doing the same thing after a big Turkey dinner. I think I had just as much fun watching them as they did playing in them.

We put our outdoor Christmas decorations out Saturday and Sunday, too. We put icicle lights around the covered porch and over the garage. I put wreaths with red bows on all of the front windows and around the lights on the garage. Mom bought me two small lighted trees to put on either sides of my front door, and then we put a small lighted tree up on the landing inside of the house, which shows up in the big picture window in the front of the house. I'll have to post a picture of it. I'm fairly pleased with it. Getting it all done was another story, but this is the "happy" thread, so I'll save the complaining. HA!

Anyway, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. Christmas tree goes up tonight...I think....